So, another death highlighting the issues around depression, including (in my opinion) a lot of suggestion that somehow what happened was one mans failings. Its not - its a bit like having a cold - often, you cant explain quite why it comes and often you cant quite shake it off. I have had two serious episodes in the last 15 years, the latest requiring the close attention of Kingstons mental health team who put me on suicide watch. I know why it happened but i could stop it no easier than i could have stopped myself getting flu. Its not linear, its a mean little bastard that slides in through whatever gaps you have, and then it lodges like a parasite. I was really lucky, I had colleagues who had the decency to treat me like i was fine, respected my privacy when i needed it and covered my arse when i was clearly not fit to be around. But not everyone has that privilege - and even with those people around me, many brilliant friends who just kept piling through and stuck by me, i felt like i was the shittest most unloveable person in the world. The parasitic part of it all means i still have days like that and i am often left looking at the big hole inside me and days where you just feel meh easily end up in my mind as day one of here we go again - but again im blessed with people around me who will try and talk, who treat me like a good person, or just let me get on with it until it passes like a dark cloud. I dont know why im sharing this really - a thank you? An appreciation that im lucky with maybe only having the symptoms but not the whole disease? A word to anyone that feels bad that you can feel better too? Maybe i just really am the miserable bastard people often think i am. Sorry for over-sharing - but depression effects a lot of people and maybe we should just talk about it a bit more...
Posted on: Wed, 13 Aug 2014 07:59:22 +0000
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