So its day 2 of my new journey... I’ve only been awake for just over an hour, but if I’d been to a doctor this morning I’d have been diagnosed as bipolar for sure! I must have had some pretty rotten dreams as I woke up feeling absolutely terrible, as if the entire world was on my shoulders. Then I remembered that unless we had an invoice paid today, I wouldn’t be able to make payroll for the team… which is a pretty horrible thought. So I literally dragged myself out of bed and downstairs to take Lola for a walk this morning. It’s easy for dogs… they don’t have 40-odd years of learned behaviour telling them what to do… all Lola cares about is going for a walk, licking people to death, jumping up at them and eating food (and she doesn’t even care about her own food most of the time, but that doesn’t stop her wanting to steal everyone else’s!!). So I was greeted by a very excited Lola, she wouldn’t even keep her tail still for a photo today. As I was walking along the lane with her, I really did notice how good she is these days. Walking to heel, I didn’t even need to say anything to her today, she just stayed really close to me, looking up at me every now and then. When she’s good like this, it’s easy to see why a dog is man’s best friend. But then I had a little think back to how she was less than a month ago - out of control, pulling on the lead, being disobedient… all it took was patience and perseverance on my part to get her to the point that she’d do as I wanted. Oh if only I could remember that with everything else :-) I was still struggling to feel good in general though, until I got a text from the bank telling me what the balance was on the business account. As I went to bed last night, there was only £35 available, so wonder I was feeling bad, but imagine my feeling when I saw that the balance had increased more than twenty-fold overnight! So normal service has been restored and I can meet all of the obligations that the business has today with no problem. On reflection, imagine how different it could have been if I’d been able to keep the faith, be certain that the money would have arrived, and celebrate everything going well in advance, rather than spending a week or more worrying about cash flow? Time and time again, the universe teaches me that worrying is pointless, something’s either going to happen or it isn’t… and either way, the only worthwhile thing I can do is have a little more trust and do whatever I can to stack the odds in my favour. Worry doesn’t help, but we all do it… personally I’ve had a lot of role models who have worried over the years, so it’s deeply embedded in my behaviour. If I genuinely had a choice, I’d never choose to worry… so I need to recognise that when I’m worrying, I’m not choosing and something deeper has got hold of me. It always passes sooner or later though and I need to remember that. I really need to apply this to other challenges in my life. Right now, Insa and I don’t know where we’ll be living a month from now. Our landlord tragically committed suicide at the start of this year, and the bank and the receiver have kindly informed us that they are selling the house we’re living in and we have to move out. Sarah’s just started secondary school and we’re not willing to disrupt things for her more than we already have, so we have a very limited area to look for a new place to rent, and there is literally nothing available. It would be fine if we had no dogs, but almost every estate agent and landlord seems to treat dog owners as the scum of the earth. We’ve even offered a £1000 extra deposit against all the damage that our pets (who are obviously totally out of control and will wreck a house worse than kids ever could!!) but to no avail. So with the clock ticking, I know that we just need to stay positive, keep looking and trust that things will work out right in the end. It was actually a lovely walk this morning. Last night I got absolutely soaked to the skin when we were out looking for houses, and it must have rained incredibly heavily here too, as there were flash floods last night and mud everywhere this morning. It looked quite pretty in the country lane, and as I walked further I found hundreds of conkers that must have been rained off the trees last night. Kids love conkers and I’m still a big kid, so I had to help myself to a few :-) I was also amazed how the sky went from a beautiful red colour (red sky in the morning, shepherd’s warning!!) to a more usual grey in less than 4 minutes… so I’m glad I got a shot of the red sky before it disappeared, and found a lovely yellow flower in the field. Anyone got any idea what it is? Anyway, I’m off to St Albans today, to do a half day consult with a lovely client who we haven’t worked with for way too long, and while I wait to catch a train home that won’t cost about £500, I’m going to be able to catch up with my wonderful friends Dan and Rachel who I haven’t seen for way too long… can’t believe that it’s 23 years since I first met them at Bradford University. Am I getting old? Hope you all have a wonderful day, and hope there’s something in my random thoughts here that strike a chord :-)
Posted on: Tue, 30 Sep 2014 07:06:56 +0000
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