So kind of really delayed, but I finally made a video with the footage I got at RMFC~ Didnt get as much as I wouldve liked, sadly, but Ive made the most of it. (What Im writing next could be ideologically sensitive for some people.) Not many of you know this, but a few weeks prior to, and leading up to the con, I was having a horrible time finding stability and meaning in what I was doing. I had been unstable in my living situation since February, had lost a job, and was overwhelming myself on an hourly basis just trying to fit in with the new scenery while hiding how I truly felt. About 3 weeks before the con, I had a drastic dip into a very dark depression, wondering if Id ever see my friends back home again, realizing I couldve prepared far better and not really seeing any good outcome to anything going on in my life. It was irrational, but my brain wouldnt let me see that. It was around this time that I decided to keep going until RMFC, and then kill myself somewhere in Denver instead of going back to the mountains. I was lying to anyone and everyone at that point when I acted happy. I made myself set that date for the 11th, exactly. When I arrived at the con, I distinctly remember meeting Brendon pretty much right in the door. He seemed so stoked to be there, and was so outright friendly with my friend Connor and I, I felt like Id known him for years. I guess you could say we kicked it off really well, and I started trying to get into the spirit, as it were. Around the time of the opening ceremonies, I met Gabe, received an amazing huggle, and finally met Jack, whom Id been looking forward to meeting up with for almost a month~ We chatted it up as I started to feel warm and fuzzy, for lack of a better descriptor. Throughout the rest of the first day, things got brighter and brighter until I was excitedly running about with this new crew, meeting up with friends for hugs and whatnots, in general feeling lighter. I know what hugs can do for someone now. To cut a long story readable, I realized I had a family somewhere I didnt anticipate, but Im so damn happy I met all of you. I came to RMFC feeling like there was a physical hole in my chest and hiding in my shell. I left with more friends than I can count (I wish I could list all of you and how I met you but that would be so sentimental everyone else would gag), I met my boyfriend, I beat the suicide thoughts, and in general, I was free. So yeah, you guys are awesome~ youtu.be/95F2NkMnp_4 (If anyone is in the video and doesnt want to be, just let me know. I tried to make certain people were aware and comfortable with the camera, but people in the background and stuff, etc.)
Posted on: Thu, 08 Jan 2015 06:00:44 +0000
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