So many things in my mind. . . Ive got a lot of options. . . I still want to go active duty military. Specifically Marines. But as far as family and trying to have a future goes, that move may be a bit more selfish than I anticipated. I want benefits, scholarships for my self and my children. I want to be well-paid, with a way to REALLY stack my chips for when I want something. I want disipline, and something to be proud of. I want to be proud of me. I want to belong to something that means so much more than myself. To something huge, and multi-faceted. Techinically, I could go any branch and do that right? I want to be a Marine, because I know that I want to be the best, and that will send me through the stratosphere as far as confidence and brotherhood is concerned. I want to be trusted enough to be sent somewhere where I may have to lay my life down for sister/brother and or country. As a Marine in good standing, I would be given that honor. But again. Thats selfish. I have a baby sister. A baby brother. A whole generation behind me. I have a mother. A boyfriend. And I have a serious fascination with family. I am determined to build my own. A Marine mom? I have this weird thing about that. If I have children, in the military, my number one priority will no longer be the man next to me. It will be my babies and husband. Such risks... I dont know if im willing to make them. With my intelligence and willingness to serve to MY highest capacity, I dont see myself being placed at a desk job, nor do I want one. Im not gonna be a Reservist. I want all of it. Not half. The kinds of changes I will be going through as a Marine, I will relish, and use them to make me the strongest, in every way, and the best. But. Why cant I take my... wannabethebest mentality and apply it someplace else? Go back to school for linguistics, become an airforce officer.? (A Marine Corp officer as a woman? African American at that? Nah, I dont wanna fight THAT fight. And have you SEEN OTS???!!!! No thank you. Im not that type.) Have time and mental/emotional space for life, family, and love. Be at the top of the heap, and get what I feel like I deserve for the work I am putting out. I dont want to go back to school yet. Because I dont wanna pay for something I may not use. A language degree is gonna be BEYOND useful. Maybe ill do that. Say nothing mother. Say nothing lol.
Posted on: Sun, 21 Sep 2014 15:47:35 +0000