So my long lost biological father just PMed me on facebook. Are yall thrilled? Because I am. I didnt know how I should feel, what I should say. Unsay i reply? Mu warak ba kog ratatat? Or should I just pretend that I am cool about him abandoning me for all these years. See, I had to live with the fact, for the 18 years of my existence and probably sa mga muabotay pang mga tuig hantod mka get over nako ani nga feeling, that I was abandoned, that my own flesh and blood didnt want me. Wa jud lugar nalukmay iyang kasing2 pagka kita niyas iyang gwapa ug kyoot kaau nga pirteng liwata niya nga bibi adtong mga panahona?! Wa jud?! Wa jud?! Bisan gamay? Hahaha. Haaaay. Pero bitaw. As much as possible, i wanna avoid remembering these scarring thoughts.. Having these thoughts in the first place is just pathetic already. I made it a point na di jud ko mgsamok niya, nga di ko mghuna2 that he owes me anything. But I never stopped wondering if he ever thought about me too. I have been thinking about the day nga mu hangop akong amahan nako. I have been womdering if that day will ever come. And I have been thinking unsay akong reaction. Aaaand just a week ago, I got my answers to these questions. Whether or not mo padayun syag contact nako, I dont have hard feelings towards him and wont have hard feelings towards him. But why? And so I thought, because first, i dont think I can hate a person that I havent known. And second, I think I am exactly where I want to be right now, bahala nag uyamot ta diring dapita, bahala pag I had to learn and will have to learn life the hard way, I think thats such an effective ground for personal growth because you just know you had to grow ahead of your time. And I think that is the very thing I gained for losing him. Id like to think so...
Posted on: Sun, 31 Aug 2014 03:49:21 +0000
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