`So often people forget to see the blessings right in front of their faces. I asked for a sign a few weeks back. I had just gotten out of the hospital for pneumonia and I felt pretty forlorn and lonely. The loneliness is a dull aching and the knowledge that I need something more in my life. While I still cling to that promise from God on that June day in 2011, it isnt as if I am dating right now or even very trusting of opening my heart. Yes, I am aware that Phil would want me to find a chapter two, and yes my heart is opening, but it is going to be a process. This process has started with the recognition of my loneliness and knowledge that there is room for another to be loved between the holes of my heart, but I had a set back when I was sick. I asked God for a sign and then immediately felt like doubting Thomas, but the signs are more than a spark, they are blazing bushes. A few days after I pled with God, I was driving to work. I was not listening to an oldies station, yet they played the two songs that are Phils and mine from the 80s--Hearts How Do I Get You Alone (my ring tone for Phil) and Starships Nothings Going To Stop Us (our song). These songs were played back to back. I got to work, got to my building and I noticed a sidewalk full of pennies--23 of them to be exact. One for every year Phil and I were married. Today I met some people I feel an immediate connection and lifeline to. I met a man of faith in the airport. We started talking football (AF football) and immediately realized that we had faith, and a loss journey in common. I sat down in my seat and noticed a man wearing a disco shrt. As I teased him and talked to his family, I found out that we are family also. They are here for the TAPS suicide convention. I then am staying with friends of a friend here in CO. As we shared my journey, laughed over some of the stories, and talked about these military connections, I realize that the signs are there. The signs are pointing to a mission bigger than my journey. I know God is using my story, but he is giving me so much in return. I do not see the destination, but I dont have to see the end--I just need to keep stepping in faith. I step one faltering step at a time with full confidence that Christ who began a good work in me will see it to completion. He has not brought me this far to fail and is signs have give me hope to keep holding on.
Posted on: Fri, 01 Nov 2013 05:24:10 +0000
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