So trial is set for May 21st ( next week ) and I believe this is a good thing?!? When this is over I will be able to at least cross one thing off my list and lighten the load thats been weighing so heavy upon my shoulders. Even just a smidge of relief, I will be more than grateful for.... Which brings me to my next announcement. July 30th is officially the last day of us living in Scappoose. Roxy and I need this fresh start like we need oxygen. Its necessity. Its been a rough year, not just 2014, but at least the last 12 months and if I stay here I will remain broken and continue to brake and Roxy is just as sad. That poor kid has had more than her fair share of let downs and in order to get back to my best self, and the mom she needs.... we gotta get the hell out of here. Id be lying if I said I wasnt scared shitless because im terrified to leave behind all the things in life I used to love so dearly; but its no longer mine and I need to leave the pieces on the ground and quit trying to put them all back together. I need to leave them in the past where they belong . It breaks my heart to say goodbye. But its time for me to go. And lastly, ive come to realize that no matter how much I wanted to believe in the things that I used to, and in the people I used to... ive had to finally sever the final tie. I convinced myself I was doing the right things by never giving up, and I was wrong. I made myself into a doormat and continued to let people lie to my face, toy with me in the way that suited them best and allowed them to break me time and time again. Worst of all I learned to lie to myself and made myself believe I was bleeding out for all the right reasons. What I know now.... no one that gives a damn about you would allow you to bleed out for them. They wouldnt take advantage of the fact that your willing. This nasty lil habit is no more. Its official as well that I dont have room for such a burden. These people and what i once felt are not welcome on my voyage out of here. They will be left in the past as well. Where they belong.
Posted on: Wed, 14 May 2014 03:20:58 +0000
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