Social and Political Comment: Have you seen this? Dear Red States... Weve decided were leaving. We intend to form our own country, and were taking the other Blue States with us. In case you arent aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California. To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole Miss. We get 85 percent of Americas venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalitions, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and were going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids theyre apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they dont care if you dont show pictures of their childrens caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but were not willing to spend our resources in Bushs Quagmire. With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the countrys fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nations fresh fruit, 95 percent of Americas quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you. Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless were discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties. By the way, were taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico. Peace out, Blue States
Posted on: Sun, 20 Apr 2014 02:32:07 +0000
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