Some are not able to open the attachment, so I cut and pasted my testimony Restored. I lost my youngest son, Matthew Aaron when I was 7 1/2 months along. He had a condition called, Hydrocephalus, water on the brain. I went through so much before the pregnancy ended, (details will be in the book). After the funeral, I was completely alone and still had to tend to my 3 boys. I struggled every minute of every day. It took everything in me just to breathe and move. I fell to my knees and prayed throughout the day begging God to help me get through this. Little by little God did begin to deliver me from different things concerning my grief. It was about a month before what would have been my lil Mattys 1st b-day. I was dreading this day and had no idea how I could get past it. The closer it got, the more I felt like I was about to have a nervous breakdown. I couldnt take this anymore. It was just too much already. All my life I had struggled with suicidal thoughts due to things I went through as a child. Well, the enemy took full advantage of this. With every passing day he would tell me what a terrible mother I was. That my son was gone because of me. I was filled with so much guilt and sadness beyond anything I had ever felt in my life. I was so empty but still I kept crying out to God to please help me. Finally, I decided I couldnt do this anymore. I couldnt go on feeling like this, so I planned to end it all. I started giving things away and started writing letters to my sons hoping that one day they would forgive me. One day it was as if the enemy was standing right in front of me with his finger in my face telling me the same lies. He wouldnt let up and all I could do was stand there, cry and take it. I started to really believe what he was saying and thought, Im ending things today. It was all planned out, now all I had to do was just go through with it. It was in that moment that God stood right in the middle of me and the enemy. He was facing me and said, Thats it. Thats enough. You are no longer going to be tortured like this anymore. I am blessing you with My peace. You will never feel like this again.” And just like that, the excruciating pain and sadness I had felt, was gone! When God spoke to me, He spoke just like a parent would to their child. Then, He comforted me like the amazing Heavenly Father that He is and like only He can. Instantly I felt this peace that is exactly as His Word says, And the Peace of God, which SURPASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus ~ Philippians 4:7. I could have never even imagined feeling this way. One minute I was ready to end it all, the next, God completely changed my heart for good. I was, once and for all, delivered from any suicidal thoughts from then on. For You have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, and my feet from falling ~ Psalm 116:8. TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!! My prayer is that anyone who even considers suicide as a way out for even a minute, would stop and cry out to God. No matter what you have done or what you have been through, we serve such a merciful, gracious, mighty and faithful God. Through Him, we can get through ANYTHING life throws at us. O Lord, You have brought up my soul from the grave: You have kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit ~ Psalm 30:3.
Posted on: Sun, 05 Oct 2014 06:53:05 +0000
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