Some of my book, Lovemasterd, is about how to maintain a modicum of normalcy and take a high(er) road when the manifestations of someones mental illness causes immense chaos, mayhem and monumental stress in the family unit. Many others suffer collateral damage too, as a result of the toll taken by someoness unstable, erratic behavior. The book is also (essentially) a how-not-to story, as I often fumble and stumble in defending against this devastating force. Specifically, it is a disorder called BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER. I spoke to Dr Drew at length about this, as well as many other mental health professionals. We should be exploring this insidious and cleverly hidden disorder in more depth. All the experts have concluded that it is a highly destructive mental issue. Therapists are so affected by it, most will take only one case a year. It captures and ruins lives. Right now, I am up at 3am, dealing with more anguish at the hands of this insidious illness. You see, being on the other side of this, no matter how equipped or educated, is overwhelming. The amount of time spent battling in the head space over what to do is countless, fruitless and frustrating. There are few answers and a lot of internal pain. Avoiding the emotional trauma causes even more festering of the wounds. This must be addressed, or my wife & children have a non-present and distracted man. Leading with a head full of fear is not going to as good for all if there is commitment to a soul full of heart. Call it catharsis or being of service to some of you, but here is some personal experience and conclusive knowledge, in hopes some of you might be assisted and know you are not alone. A few of the traits, to raise your awareness: 1 - Borderline Personality is narcissism on steroids. It needs a new name, because those who have it are WAY over the border! They have no boundaries. If you challenge them to honor a rule, law or guideline, be prepared for unrelenting attack on your character and even bank account. 2 - They are as sly as a fox when they think they are caught or their true agenda is discovered, and will spin like a politician to make them seem like they are about helping/assisting others. Upon further review, it is ALWAYS about them and protecting an image they want their adoring public to believe. Even if you do get them in a room with a professional (which is nearly impossible), making sure the psychologist believes their concocted story is of prime importance. If the person hired to help challenges the system, they too are now on the list of the bad, unqualified and dishonest. Usually, they have a nice looking, presentable personal and home appearance, but the insides are very ugly. 3 - Another way they lure you in, is to excessively compliment and overly praise the ones they want to bring into the fold to rescue them. Borderlines are always the victim, but ironically the victims of their game are endless. 4 - Blame and finger pointing are key to their behavior...If they are the least bit accountable, they dont mean it. They might pretend to be self evaluative if they are caught, and only feign self examination to build a smoke screen. 5 - They will never, and I mean never, look within for their answers. It is important in their world to have a team of collusion. With this rescue gang, the friends are baited into a trap, where they know down deep that if they speak up, this will spell the end of the relationship. You will be the latest betrayer, as if we are loyal subjects. They control and rule their self proclaimed kingdom with an iron fist, drunk with power, but with sobering results. You are a peasant with little say. You join them in their battles or you become the enemy. Do not question your orders or be logical in your approach to them. It rarely makes sense, but worse is attempting to keep trying to find clarity or good purpose. 6 - The reason we stick around is due to our own disorder. We too are wrapped up in the vicious cycle of saving and rescuing. The compliments we are given, as well as a deep desire to avoid the borderlines incessant gossip, fuels the toxic relationship. Neither party has the strength, tools or awareness to break the chain. You have hell to pay if you confront them. Their over-inflated ego engages our low self esteem, as we think that making them happy will get us the pat on the back we need for selfish reasons. We hold belief that we are do-gooders, looking forward to the day we are thanked and acknowledged for our sacrifice. This pattern is just as harmful as theirs. It is a codependent and hideous mix, with a whole lotta denial fueling the relationship. 7- Because they are such cowards, you cannot speak to them reasonably. Ironically, they are the root of much conflict, but claim they are innocent and want no fighting. They avoid conflict, since engaging with someone might mean another perspective or truth, which does not serve their self interest. You can submit pleas all you want. They will look at you telling the truth or requesting change as abuse. You then are portrayed as the abuser, hence fighting like hell to keep from this horrible and untrue assessment. What it does for the Borderline is cause you to stop challenging them, since you certainly dont want to be tagged with the abuser label. 8 - Pathological lying is an understatement. When caught in the web of deceit, watch em weave a new tapestry of complex, apocryphal stories. If the person with this disorder told the truth, it would be by accident. If they admit a wrong, it will be slight and still portray them as an innocent victim who just slipped a little. Their pathology and pattern is far from a slight departure. Drama is the norm on this planet. 9 - Entitlement is a core to existence. Somehow, and if we step back it seems insane, as we have empowered others to dictate how we feel about ourselves, instead of looking to our good source energy to steer us. Many actions are based on their ever-present evaluations. Its as if they have been bequeathed this honor, where the hanging judge is always present, but no case will you see an admission of even the slightest guilt. They are judge & jury. You are guilty. You will be given the stiffest sentences. 10 - Love of self takes full precedence over love of another. There is only the illusion of love and claim of it, but is gone once challenged. They are only in love with what you do for them, not the essence of who you are. 11 - Forget trying to find the why in what they do. I often compare it to questioning why a person keeps coughing when they have emphysema. The behavior is simply the result of the sickness. What hurts us often is not the cough, the amount of time spent trying to see how we caused their latest outbreak. Our sickness is attempting to be logical or figure out the stable answer. We believe we are one of the causes of the cough, when indeed it has little to do with us. It is simply a manifestation of the illness. 12 - Tough to stop em from coming after you, especially if they are scorned lovers. Look out for lawyers etc being brought into the mix, who prey upon folks with Borderline, since attorneys bills are paid by folks in conflict. The longer it is extended, and it will be with the likes of the highly righteous, the more hours billed. Compromise is not in the DNA with this particular mental illness. The court system is set up for people like this. 13 - They do not mind spending every last penny of everyone elses money to prove themselves correct in all matters. Ego. All ego, while many suffer the consequences. Plus, included in the characteristics is poor work ethic, often speaking ill of former employers, an excuse for another job not working out. 14- Many times with the record of blame, the financial pattern is on thin ice. Look for a lot of borrowing or conning you out of money, to help the cause du jour of taking down a perceptive enemy. False allegations of high consequence are put forth, with the agenda of recruiting more patsies to carry out the plan to rid the world of sinners. Its all about setting more fires so we dont see who lights the flame to begin with. 15 - Like a mob hitman, there is no consciousness to the killing. Once the hit is called, you cannot get away. There will be blood. Equipping ourselves with education is the best way to mitigate the damage. Taking a path of self evaluation and great pause is a good way to go. We are not victims. We must look at alternative ways to utilize divine power within, not empower the sick to dictate our lives. I have been around this paradigm for a lifetime, beating my head against the wall countless times. As a guy who prides himself in finding answers and solutions, this one has been the most baffling and disheartening. On the flip side however, it has forced personal growth in monumental ways. It still nudges me in ways no other stimulus does, to develop more balance in this personal journey, one I share with you now and in my book. To have this revealing can lead to a healing, dealing with issues such as this in a more healthy, honest way. We are only as sick as our secrets. Trust me, I will not make money on book sales, but my heart tells me that letting more in on the managing of difficult/misunderstood mental illness, will assist the willing in finding new strength and courage to change. I sincerely hope that the book Lovemasterd or this post helps you know (at the least) that you are not by yourself. By becoming more aware, we can treat this, both the Borderline and ourselves, for our responsive behavior is no picnic either. We willingly but subconsciously participate in this traumatic system. I encourage you to shift your consciousness if you have identified with what is written here and/or in the book. I am transitioning into a career of being a guide to love and happiness. This kind of thing is just the beginning....Peace
Posted on: Mon, 27 Oct 2014 12:23:34 +0000
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