Some people will understand and some people wont. The ones who do i bet are the ones who have been around in my life the last 30 years. And know me well enough to see what i have put myself thru and by my choice. Now its my choice not easy but yet still mine. Somethings got to change it might just be me that needs to change or it might be what has become by choice needs to change. Either way I need to change within and without The only thing i have the right to control is me, and i cant loose me........wait i never really had a me or a just me. Its always been about someone/something else. its always been about my kids then my job then who ever i was in a relationship with for what ever reason i thought fit at the moment. well my children i gave up my life for (the one i never had) i surely have no regrets there. But they are grown and dont need me anymore to take care of them (some say thats good) helping them from time to time yes they will always need. So I worked to take care of them, I worked a lot. never had time for friends (think about it have i really ever hung out or had any friends to call my own? no) I only had friends of my boyfriend/husband). Or i was every kids mom in town (all my kids friends call me mom at some point or another) . I need to find me and i need to let go of parenting time and just accept visitation time. I cant do this with everyone around me. most people do this when they are i dont know 18 to 25 maybe at least for 6 months in that time frame they are out on their own figuring out what they want in life. Not me had my firstborn in highschool. and so on. So dont think i fell off the face of the earth or am withdrawing from everyone. You will see and hear from me from time to time I will not be off in some corner depressed I just need so time to figure out my within and i think without all my familiar influences. I need my own friends to talk to and my own hobbies and so forth. I am just gonna take a little time to do that. :) and on a progress note: i have my own house for the first time ..moving in soon ....living with just me......and i have 2-3 friends that are my friends cause they like me not my friend cause i am someones girlfriend or wife :) with that all said I just wanted to let you know. And with that shared ......yes mom i will be over tomorrow to talk to you since after reading this i am sure your freaking out! your Miss level headed workaholic never does nothing wrong is flipping out ( i am sure thats what she is thinking) Im not. Its all gonna be ok i promise
Posted on: Sat, 22 Mar 2014 20:26:13 +0000
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