Sometimes, people see your life and they think that you have everything together and that youre always happy. It kinda makes them sick because they either think that you are being fake or that you have just never been through anything that painful to know where they are. That said, I thought I would share my story about the stepping stones and stumbling blocks.... About 8 years ago, I was in a less that desirable marriage. I was a broken person married to a broken person and I felt like I was sinking in quicksand and I was never going to get out of it. I cried all the time, I dont remember ever feeling a reason to smile and I worried that my children were being poisoned by my immense pain that dwelt so deep within me that I thought that even God could not fix me. Right before my birthday in 2006, I decided that maybe my girls and the rest of my family and friends would be better off without me. I had never thought that suicide was an option before but at that point, it seemed to be the only way out and the only way my girls would have a normal life.Lies the devil tells are very convincing... One of my best friends asked me to come up and spend the weekend for my birthday and it seemed like a perfect time to implement my plan. I packed my clothes and a bottle of muscle relaxers. I had already written letters to my girls and the rest of my closest family and friends so I tucked them under the mattress where they would be found eventually and I headed for the city... My friend had a friend who prepared the best meal, there were balloons and a cake that matched them perfectly, her friend served us dinner and I felt like a queen; except I was still so sad. We headed back to her apartment and once I got to the room I was staying in, something happened and I began to remember the prophetic words spoken over me. I remembered what the evangelist said that God wanted to use me in ministry and I started to struggle with those thoughts, knowing that I had not done what God called me to yet. I chose to not take the pills. I chose to start focusing on a plan; a goal. Since then, there have been plenty more upsets between my divorce, my childrens father going to prison, my mothers health and finding out my ex-husband had another family before us that I had known nothing about. I lost my car and our home in the divorce but I kept on focusing on the goal and the journey God had me on. It was all no mistake. I could not have completed this part of my book without going through all of those things. Im a very happy person these days and it is by the grace of God that I was able to find my path that had been created long before I was born. Tomorrow, I begin another chapter when I walk into the hospital, officially as an MSW for the geriatric psych unit. I know that there are more goals that I will be working on because the minute your visions are gone, your hope is squashed. Once hope has vanished, depression and darkness overtake. Never quit looking toward the future! God has a plan for you and I! Things dont happen TO us, they happen FOR us! They are either a stumbling block or a stepping stone! Choose to see the plan for every situation in your life! Thanks to my pastor and the message at church, I was reminded of the mountainous boulders that became my stepping stones! This was a difficult post for me as I have RARELY shared this part of my life but I tossed it back and forth and felt I had to share for some reason. If youre going through something that seems unbearable, keep looking up because you may be right around the corner from the beginning of the brightest future! #badthings+goodattitude=growth
Posted on: Mon, 09 Jun 2014 01:06:58 +0000
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