Soooo something I need to get off my chest. I do not know exactly - TopicsExpress

Soooo something I need to get off my chest. I do not know exactly how to say this so forgive me if it sounds like I am rambling. When the conversation comes up about my diagnoses and/or my recovery everyone tends to ask the same general questions, Are you cured YET?! When will you be back to your OLD self/ back to NORMAL? They are not uncommon questions to someone in my situation. When I hear yet it makes me feel like people are just waiting for all this to blow over and waiting until I am who they remember. Like it is as simple as getting over a cold. It makes me feel like people cant accept what has happened and who I am now. When you are diagnosed with cancer your life is changed completely. There is no going back to the way things were before because I am a different person. I know my family and friends love me, they want me to be healthy and they want me to be just as I was as if this had never happened to me. It is a beautiful thought and wish. But things change. Change can also be a beautiful thing. This has been a year of self reflection that has changed me mentally and I have obviously gone through physical changes caused by my treatments. Cancer is always going to take something from you. For the longest time, all I wanted and all I prayed for was to have me back. To be exactly as I was before I was diagnosed. I know now, and I accept, that I am different and that it is ok. How much have Ive changed? Well, I am still trying to figure that out. I am not saying it has been a 180 degree change and I am a completely different person but I definitely view certain things differently than I did before. I do not use this to criticize anyone who has asked me these questions so please no postings of apologies or anything like that. There may not be a back to normal for me but I am looking forward to figuring out what my new normal will be. But hell, anyone who knows me knows I have never been normal haha Thank you everyone for your prayers and support this year.

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