Sorry it has been so been long since I have posted an update. On October 7th I went into labor with the twins 8 weeks early despite being several medications to stop it. At 7:00 that evening I delivered Faith first. I heard her squawk just a tiny little bit and as they took her away I shouted that I loved her to four turned backs who carried her away to a different area. Next they discovered, Baby B - Grace - had flipped in all the new room she now had and needed to be turned in order to make her entrance into this world, so the doctors got back to work on me right away so I was unable to follow what was happening with Faith - but her Dad was with her so she was not alone. After turning baby B they gave her some time move down into position - which she did. But... her mom noticed some commotion going on in the area where they were trying to stabilize Faith. What I had noticed was all the alarms where being shut off - they were giving up...because my daughter had died and they couldnt get her back. Somewhere between realizing this and Grace making her appearance my body decided it was done giving birth and started to shut the process down. My doctors gave me some time to see if labor would start again, but it was soon clear that it would not. It was briefly explained to me that after birth Faith could not be stabilized - and despite their best efforts they couldnt re-establish a heart beat. So a time of death was called and they let my husband and I, hold our daughter while I was still on the birthing table waiting for Baby B - for this blessed period of time while Faith was still warm and that wonderful color of newborn pink, it seemed as if she could open her eyes at any time. She was even still making little movements with her mouth and hands. It was in that moment, I felt closest to her. During this time I lost a lot of blood and labor had halted, they were closely monitoring Grace who was ok at that point but her mom was not - so the call was made to perform an emergency C section - it was the best call for both of us. Grace was born two and half hours after her sister, was stabilized, and brought up to the NICU. She is a blessing and we are so grateful to have her with us. At 3 lbs and 10 oz she is single handily saving us from having to bear the loss of her sister all alone - she an amazing bright spot during a dark time reminding of us Gods mercy. Getting stronger everyday meeting mile stones and over coming hurdles. I am so thankful for her. Faith went home with to God even though someday we will get to spend eternity with her - we are still here left to put away the many sets of twin clothing and toys, to morn her passing, and to wonder what couldve been. This has been a very difficult and traumatic time for my husband, myself and my whole family. I am still hospitalized - and we have some final arrangements to plan out, things no new parents should ever have to make plans for. So I thank you all in advancement for your patience in our lack of timely updates.
Posted on: Fri, 10 Oct 2014 07:36:49 +0000
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