Spanking is simply a euphemism for hitting. One is not permitted to hit ones spouse or a stranger; such actions are defined as the crime of assault. Nor should one be permitted to hit a small and even more vulnerable child. Hitting a child elicits precisely the feelings one does not want to generate in a child: distress, anger, fear, shame, and disgust. Hitting comes from a control oriented motivation, and if controlling another human being is the goal of parenting, then force is absolutely necessary. Fear, intimidation, threats, and physical pain are the means of control. However, if growing healthy humans is the goal, then building trust relationships, encouraging, guiding, leading, and communication through basic human respect are the tools. We can punish and hit our children every time they misbehave.... which surely does not model the self regulation we wish to see in them, and leaves them feeling defeated, unheard, sad, and disrespected. Or we use validation, empathy, guidance toward more appropriate behaviors every time they misbehave... which definitely models the self regulation we wish to see in them, and leaves them feeling supported, loved, empowered to make better choices, and most importantly respected. Love and grace wins every time and there is no room in love for fear, pain, or shame. Please know that children who are not punished with pain and intimidation, arent automatically bad kids in the future. Just like I dont believe all children who are spanked, turn out to be horrible people either or abusive. Do I see a correlation? Absolutely. Those who are shown actions through violence will learn those traits. Those who are shown respect will most likely do the same to others. We sugar coat spanking to make it seem like its no big deal. But spanking is hitting and hitting is violent. End of story.
Posted on: Sat, 03 Jan 2015 12:46:11 +0000
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