#StolenPrayer #Dead Dear Lord, Thank you for opening my eyes to realize that there are beautiful women out there. You know God, when I met my wife, I thought she was meant for me but I came to realize that WATER and OIL do not mix. It is true that I like to look at other women but I only do that to appreciate the beauty of nature’s creation. But sometimes, I just can’t resist these women; after all, I am human and have my weaknesses. My wife calls me PAPA in the presence of anyone. This makes me feel like a pensioner. Other women call me DARLING, SWEETIE, BABES, HONEY, SWEETHEART, DEAR, etc., and this makes me feel really young, energetic and appreciated. My wife likes complaining and nagging constantly and is always too tired to go out with me. Every weekend she goes to attend this or that funeral; or this or that wedding. When she comes back home, she is too tired for anything. When I want to get intimate with her, she immediately develops a headache. Another problem with her, Dear Lord, is that she is good at spending my hard earned money. When we discuss budget, she is referring to my salary. Her salary is her secret – it is strictly private and confidential. She has appointed herself my Minister for Finance but my economy is not improving. Her family takes precedence in everything. When I bought my mother a Kitenge, she complained that I am wasting our money and yet I am well aware of our financial position. When she bought her mother a pair of boots, a jacket, blanket and a heater, she reminded me that I should know how her mother is struggling. I visit my parents once in a blue moon but her family needs us constantly, so she says. Oh God! God, I met her at a party but these days she would rather remain indoors than go to parties with me. To make matters worse, no friends should visit us without appointments. I must sit and watch with her all the TV Soaps that she likes, namely: Isidingo, La Mujer, The Bold and the Beautiful, Days of our Lives, Generations, The Young and The Restless, Mother-in-Law, Papa Shirandula, Tusker Project Fame, Tahidi High, Slim Possible, Afro Sinema, etc. Every Sunday, she drags me to this Nigerian Christian Church which I do not enjoy at all. I had to part with KShs.30,000 as an offering to the Pastor. When I suggest we go to my Church once in a while, she says that my Church is too boring for her liking. Heavenly Father, you will realize that I have lost some weight because I don’t eat balanced meals as she does not like cooking my favourite meal of Ugali with sukuma wiki, managu or saget. She will not allow such “nonsense” in our townhouse. Every so often, she wants me to take her to Steers, City Cabanas, KFC or Nandos for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I yearn for my favourite Guinness Madiaba, Tusker Lager and Johnny Walker on the rocks – the only beers and whisky with a surname. But oh no, she will not allow any of these in our house as she says it is a sin to indulge in them. Therefore, she has confined me to drinking only milk, tea, porridge and mineral water. So God, I hope you now understand why I always look at those ladies and wish I could spend more and more time with them. Forgive me if I am doing wrong, but a man has needs, you know, and a man must do what a man must do. AMEN
Posted on: Mon, 11 Nov 2013 10:14:18 +0000
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