Story of a Muslim sister who had a rough start in her married life (All names have been deleted). When a girl enters marriage, the minimum expectations she has are that she would be able to establish a peaceful, and if possible, friendly relationship with her husband. If she has confidence about herself that she won’t pose any demands of wealth and riches on her husband, she further feels assured that he would be appreciative and there won’t be any scope for quarrels. It was with such expectations that I entered married life. My husband soon realized that I wasn’t demanding and mentioned to my mother that Allah had given him better than he had expected. And I happily believed that my marital life had started on a proper note and hence will continue on the right track. But sad to say this anticipation soon met with disappointment as expectations from my husband started rearing their ugly head. These expectations pertained to something that was not in my power to control or provide. I had become pregnant just a month after getting married and within 7 weeks of pregnancy my problems started. I had to consult a gynecologist who said that if I wanted to save the pregnancy, I’d have to take total bed rest. My husband preferred not to follow the doctor’s advice. His mother and elder brother chose to believe that I was being unnecessarily delicate and fussy. They were of the opinion that to survive in this world you need to be tough, and sadly, quite heartlessly they started trying to impart lessons in ‘toughness’ to me by ignoring my genuine need for rest and being totally insensitive to my feelings and pain – both physical and mental. Well, things came to such a pass that I aborted a 16 weeks’ foetus, first getting scolded by the doctor for not following her instructions, and then faced by the bleak scenario of putting up with taunts about my delicacy which had already started coming from my mother-in-law. My husband was of no help either. Neither could he console me nor did he provide any assurance about the future. When I was in my parents’ house, taking rest, he did not visit me, but kept asking me to return, sometimes threatening, sometimes persuading with false hopes. His total lack of understanding and sympathy spelt out clearly over the phone, made me shed such tears as I hadn’t shed in my 24 years of life. I realized that this relationship could not continue, but was scared of taking the initiative in separation as a Hadith of our Prophet (S.A.W.S.) says that a woman who resorts to ‘Khula’ (divorce sought by the wife) without a valid reason, would not be able to even smell the fragrance of Paradise. My parents arranged for a meeting with an Islamic scholar, a Mufti, who explained to me that the clause ‘for no valid reason’ is important and this is to ensure that divorce is not taken lightly. He told me that my conscience should guide me, and eventually my honesty with myself is a matter between me and Allah. He also reminded me that Allah is Well Aware of each individual’s capacity of endurance. So, wanting to give my marriage a second chance, I went back to see if there were any changes (as my husband had been promising me). However, within four days I realized that nothing had changed, my husband actually telling me that he was doing me a favor out of pity for my “Kismet”. I told my mother that I was worried about the future (of a divorcee) and hence chose to continue the relationship which now had nothing for me.
Posted on: Wed, 03 Jul 2013 07:53:43 +0000
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