Stupid sayings Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery More like the sleaziest form of being too dumb or too lazy to come up with your own ideas, Id say. A penny saved is a penny earned No, a penny saved is just a penny saved. Keeping something you already have doesnt equate to making or acquiring a new one by any stretch of the imagination. Youre just a cheap bastard. Absence makes the heart grow fonder Fonder of the person whos replaced you in my life, maybe. All that glitters is not gold Did someone actually suggest that it was? Hard to believe some guy tried taking this stance. But he may very well have been more painful to listen to than someone who uses this stupid saying. Everything happens for a reason Having this recently suggested to me, the gears started to turn. Ive delved into an area of research Im tentatively calling cause and effect, and have found promising evidence of a strong correlation. The pen is mightier than the sword Oh yeah? Want to test that one with me? When god closes a door, he opens a window You can keep your silver linings and your endless optimism. Gods just amusedly watching you maneuver, redirect, and climb around the building like a rat in a maze. Good things come to those who wait Generally, good things are earned by those who go out and get them. Worst advice ever. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush I suppose there are ways to attribute value to a bird in hand, but I fail to see the worth of two birds, or even three for that matter, in any bush. Annoying phrases If its not one thing its another Brilliant. Eloquent. The output of an obviously formidable and probing mind. From the get go Ive witnessed a few beginnings in my time, and have also seen a couple of things start. Once, I was even present at an onset. But I sure as hell havent ever been around at the get go of anything, and pray that I never am. Acceptable only if youre having a stroke and cant quite get the right words out. Between a rock and a hard place Is a rock really that difficult to get around? I might buy it with a super-spanning boulder-wall, but not a rock. And what in gods name is a hard place, anyway? Hot as hell Are you exaggerating? Just a little? Maybe? Sooner rather than later If youre in such a damn rush, why did you waste everybodys time saying all that? Wouldnt soon have sufficed? Or, so nobody can claim Im unwilling to compromise, Ill even give you as soon as possible. Does it really require the explanatory contrast? As if someone mightve thought you meant sooner rather than tomatoes? Same difference You either dont know what same means, or you dont know what difference means. Which is it? Sets my teeth on edge Have you ever seen an old lady take out her dentures, with that one long dangly strand of saliva, and place them on the table? Then you should realize that nobody wants this image conjured in the course of conversation. Cut off your nose to spite your face What annoys me most about this one isnt based on any inherent stupidity. People always hurl this accusation as if its a bad thing. Frankly, its not. If the face has it coming, adios nose. Small price to pay to teach the face a much-needed lesson. Dirt poor Okay, I can rationalize and possibly accept this one. Until I hear filthy rich. Begs the question This ones only annoying in that its almost always misused. Its not another way of saying raises the question. Its a term for a kind of logical fallacy. Its a form of circular reasoning and false proof, when an argument is proven merely by assuming the argument is true. For example, saying Bob is a moron because hes really not smart is begging the question. For a real-life, common example: someone who says he knows the bible is the word of god because it says in the bible that its the word of god is begging the question. Its sink or swim Ill float, thank you very much. Guesstimate When Im running things, using this jackass hybrid word will be punishable by death. On-the-spot execution. Or, to put it a way youll understand: deaxecution. Comparing apples and oranges Its really not the poignant rebuttal people make it out to be. They have a lot in common, starting with both being fruit. There are a lot of things in the world. Things with much more drastic characteristic dissimilarities. Comparing warthogs to ice cubes, comparing toe nail clippings to light bulbs--now those would be crazy, and would make your point much more effectively. Whats done is done Oh! Is that how it works? Not my cup of tea As Im writing, Im changing my mind on this one. It could be worse. It couldve been replaced with thats not my venti cup of triple-shot, half-caf, sugar-free vanilla soy latte, extra foam by now. Yeah, Ill take it as is. Touch base Please, please, please stop saying this. Please. It hurts too much to joke about. Please. If I told you once, Ive told you a thousand times Using this perennial parental favorite would seem to indicate that its time for another approach. If youve said it that many times and are still having to repeat it, the message is obviously not getting across, and most likely wont with one more identical delivery. One of the more interesting definitions of insanity involves doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results. Think about that. Breaking news So, what youre saying is, this will be one of those rare instances when the news youre giving us is actually news? Beat around the bush Huh? Trying to scare out those two prized birds? Like looking for a needle in a haystack This ones only annoying because after I hear it I stop listening to the rest of the conversation. I get lost picturing the slow-witted, cross-eyed, pigeon-toed, stuttering farmhand who once upon a time lost his favorite needle in a haystack, trying, with an almost endearing meticulous desperation, to find it, thus inspiring this expression. Barking up the wrong tree A very misleading phrase. I tried barking up the right tree and still got no better results than very odd looks from passers-by. Conversate Its converse--say it with me, please: CON-VERSE. If you cant master it, please transportate yourself far away from me, lest I condemnate you to the lowest circle of hell. Gravy train Fortunately, you dont hear this one too often. But just knowing that its chugging along out there somewhere is enough to include it in my list. Personally, Ive set my standard of wealth and comfort a little higher than riding around in a locomoting mold of gelatinous meat juice. Its always in the last place you look Nope. Not for me. I keep on looking long after I find it.
Posted on: Fri, 21 Mar 2014 12:48:51 +0000
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