Subject: [Edo-Nation] It is very difficult to find a Bini girl to marry now. Doc, You made a very valid point on the issue of love knows no boundaries. I made the statement because I have heard it. Another very good point is encouraging your children to participate in those social circles which you deem is best. Mostly motivated by culture and background. Infact on the issue of the mad man, I doubt if in those days he will be allowed out of the house to roam the streets. Rather we will hear agonizing cries in the night which would be attributed to a wild animal or witchcraft. Reason, background checks, in our own ways DNA, fear of having mad children. Families did everything to keep the public from knowing of those ills, so they do not become outcast. Most cultures have the coming of age ceremonies, usually done for children between the ages of 14 and 18, this is to allow for these young children to find each other and bound, mind you it is also the age of hormones raging. In hopes that a young man will find a young woman within his own setting for a wife. Today, I dont think that happens much, if at all. The only way I feel that our young children can find each other, and hopefully end up in marriage if we want our culture to survive, it by having social gatherings or belonging to organizations for which our children can participate. We run a much higher risk for those of us who are raising our children in diaspora, they are exposed and have many other cultures in which they co-mingle and find interesting. To be honest I couldnt stray too far from home, it becomes a matter of comfort zones and personal interest, or maybe in hopes of what one wants to achieve. There are many eligible Bini women available to marry, the only thing is what criteria is been placed. Do you have to be in a specific profession, or just income providing. I mean if you cant find a full blooded Bini girl are you willing to take a mixed breed and start from there building back the dynasty. Come to think of it many of our daughters are in their twenties and sons in late twenties. I will have a problem with my young daughter being married to an old goat in his fifties. I mean, if he is in his early to late forties and never married that says alot for him, I would not touch him with a ten foot pole even if I was single, I will instantly see it as a problem. Set in his ways and not much to work with, probably both ways. If it is the issue of being a widower or widow that is another story. omogbe OO Thanks You have observed that The choice of who to marry for whatever reason falls heavily on the individual and what they expect in/from the marriage. I do not think it is that simple. Just last week I posted the story of a Harvard educated lady from Afghanistan, who, in spite of her personal experience with her first husband, was defending arranged marriages. In fact, statistically speaking, most marriages in the world are arranged. You also concluded that As we all know love has no boundaries. If the whole world really does think love has no boundaries, then one would have no apprehension. Unfortunately, many in the world do think love has boundaries. It is a small minority of individuals that think - on an individual level - that love has no boundaries. Even so, a sensible girl will not marry a mad man off the streets - because of love. Indeed love will not even happen because of a screening process - influenced by her values - that weeds out such candidates. Groups certainly do not think love has no boundaries and dominant culture group behavior proves the point. The most extreme example is that provided by Nazi Germany where the State actually tracked the marital patterns of its citizens. But there are others. On a personal level, for example, late Princess Diana thought love had no boundaries. On a group level, however, many did not agree with the dalliance of the mother of a future King of England with moslem Arab Dodi Fayed - and it may have cost her her life. We will never know. Even in Nigeria certain categories of civil/public servants cannot marry who they like or love unless they resign first. They have to marry Nigerians. On a communal level, when a child tells their parents that they want to marry, the whole process of investigating the potential spouse is driven by the reality that marriage is not just about love. I believe that at some point in the past, it has been mentioned here how girls at the University of Ibadan from certain tribes in Nigeria used to be pressured by their tribesmen and women not to date boys from another large Nigerian tribe. A few persisted, but most did not. Those groups that have aggressively implemented the love has no boundaries philosophy are generally heading toward extinction as groups. The world in 200 years will consist of a minority of the groups that are on earth today. Some will retain their homogeneity and momentum. Others will be barely recognizable. Much traditional knowledge will be lost. Many languages and dialects will disappear. Undoubtedly some hybrid ill-defined cultures will emerge but they will not look like the cultures we know today. Among the British elite I was reliably told that parents go to great lengths to influence the social circles in which their daughters and sons operate. The reason is not to choose the specific person their children eventually couple with, but the social circles of their future in-laws. It is a very sophisticated game. And the kids do not often realize that the game is going on. They just think they are meeting their sweet-hearts by accident. But those who play it do so on the presumption that love - particularly when it results in life long relationships - is not something to be left to chance. Yes, there is an individual angle. Inter-personal harmony is important. But as many come to discover, when you marry, you are not marrying an individual, you are marrying their family and customs. Love by itself is not always enough to deal with such challenges. Regards NAO
Posted on: Thu, 03 Apr 2014 15:23:52 +0000
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