Sunday, July 21, 2013 NOSE HAIR Be thankful that there are still a few brave voices to tell you about things like nose hair, ear hair and bushy eyebrows that look like rats-nests. Know for sure that somewhere in the Bible it is written, "Thou should not have nose hair, neither shalt thou have ear hair, nor ratty eyebrows if thou wishest to please God." Now back hair, arm hair, chest hair, facial hair and leg hair are all optional. The afore mentioned are not optional. There is a reason for this: they are really ugly and unbecoming. The Bible does not give an exact length to nose, ear and eyebrow hair; but it is supposed to be trimmed to where it cannot be seen in the nose and ears and orderly in the brows. In this same area of scripture we are told that if one wishes to please God he should stay away from wearing dress pants, eating sushi, and most Chinese food and menudo. Also, wearing scandals (even though Jesus probably did), drinking light beer or white wine or decaf coffee, watching bowling on ESPN, wearing shoes with Velcro straps, using liquid soap instead of a bar, smoking cigarettes with filters, wearing thy belt and thy pants up any higher than three to four inches down from thy navel (with exception for a roll of belly fat, then it can be lower), because it is these and many other such things that are displeasing to the Lord. But, the major issues are nose hair, ear hair and the ratty brow. Here is a secret tip to help with your nose hair and possibly save your life. When driving late at night after being on the road for over eleven hours and things are jumping out of the dark in front of you and you keep hearing the rattle of those little bumps on the sides of the road... try this: very slowly pull your nose hairs (not jerking them) but slowly. This hurts so much you become wide-awake until the next incident requiring you to pull another. You can usually get two to two and one-half more hours of road time by doing this, as well the pleasure of pleasing God by keeping the nose hairs under control. These are just some things I thought I had better share with you. Get to trimming folks, get to trimming. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Jesus
Posted on: Sun, 21 Jul 2013 10:14:19 +0000