THE COURAGE OF THE WEDDING VOWS The sacrament of matrimony requires two great forms of courage: (1) the courage to bond exclusively and irrevocably with a partner; (2) the courage to remain open with ones partner to the gift of children. Love is the source and support of both of these forms of courage. Those without the requisite courage, hoping to soften the pain of eventual breakup, lower their expectations in entering marriage and hold back from total self-giving in the indispensable commitments to permanence, fidelity, and openness to new life. Some shrink from making wedding vows at all, preferring a marriage-like arrangement of cohabitation without an exchange of mutual rights and obligations. Some convince themselves that they are safeguarding their long-term happiness by remaining unencumbered by the heavy personal commitments of the marriage covenant. The truth of the matter, however, is that a partners long-term happiness is promoted not by non-entanglement, but by the totality of ones self-giving in the irrevocable and exclusive bonding of marriage. Is it natural to fear the self-sacrifice required in marriage? Of course it is. Is it normal to have serious second thoughts when it dawns on you that marriage and childbearing will radically alter your life style and personal priorities? Of course it is. But one of the strongest sacramental graces of matrimony is the ability to overcome fear, and to realize that love can actually make it easy; and perfect love can make it a joy. The angel Gabriel was sent by God to bring a message to a virgin named Mary in the village of Nazareth: Do not be afraid, Mary. You have found favor in the eyes of God. You are to become a mother, and to bear a son, and to call him Jesus. Who of us is unfamiliar with the story of the birth of Jesus, the story of Christmas, the rejoicing of the angels and the shepherds...and then the menace of Herod, the slaughter of the innocents, the hasty exile of Joseph and Mary into Egypt in order to protect the life of their infant. Who of you parents cannot easily relate to the trauma of learning that your child is lost, and you do not know whether hes dead or alive? Who of you cannot relate to Marys utter relief and joy in finding her twelve-year- old son after three days of searching. In the gospel narrative of the simultaneous pregnancies of Elizabeth and Mary, and of the birth of John and then of Jesus, there are some striking similarities and repeated themes. In both instances there was concern over the impending pregnancy. The basis of concern for Elizabeth was her age; for Mary it was her virginity. Dont be afraid, said the angel Gabriel to Elizabeths husband, Zachary. Dont be afraid, he said to Mary of Nazareth a little later. Dont be afraid, he repeated to Joseph. In every pregnancy, there is bound to be concern and worry. It is only natural that there be an element of fear involved in a pregnancy, perhaps an initial fear of conception itself, and then, once the pregnancy is known, fear of the impending delivery, fear of a birth defect, fear of the long-term responsibilities involved. Sure, there is fear, for both the mother-to-be and the father-to-be. And sadly, the secular culture that dominates in this age is adept at exploiting those fears for its own ends, disseminating a powerful anti-life ethic. Of course, there is the natural fear of the father when he begins to think of the financial responsibility this child will entail, the emotional demand the child will make, the educational commitment involved. Fear? Of course. But the angel has relayed a message from God: Zachary, dont be afraid. And the mother-to- be, fear? Of course. Theres bound to be an element of worry for the well-being of her child, an element of burden when she begins to visualize the years ahead and the subordination of her own desires to those of her child. Fear? Of course. But the angel has relayed a message from God: Mary, dont be afraid! The trouble with present-day promoters of the anti-life ethic is that they simply fail to take into account the capacity of the human heart to love. They fail to grasp the wisdom of ages, that the deepest and most lasting joys and consolations of the human heart are found precisely within the heaviest responsibilities we undertake. The obvious example? Childbearing and childrearing. Zachary, dont be afraid....Mary, dont be afraid.
Posted on: Sat, 25 Jan 2014 09:48:52 +0000
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