THE FIVE MOST DANGEROUS THINGS IN THE US NAVY A Seaman saying I learned this in Boot Camp... A Petty Officer saying Trust me, sir... An Ensign saying Based on my experience... A Lieutenant saying I was just thinking... A Chief chuckling, Watch this shit... NOW THEY TELL ME During a commercial airline flight a Navy Chief was seated next to a young mother with a baby in arms. When her baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing her infant as discreetly as possible. The Chief pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related articles. When the young mother expressed her gratitude, he responded, Gosh, thats a good looking baby...and he sure was hungry! Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said breast feeding would help alleviate the pressure in the babys ears. The Chief sadly shook his head, and in true US Navy fashion exclaimed........ And all these years Ive been chewing gum. NAVAL OFFICERS and NAVY CHIEFS A group of Chiefs and a group of Naval Officers take a train to a conference. Each Naval Officer holds a ticket. But the entire group of Chiefs has bought only one ticket for a single passenger. The Naval Officers are just shaking their heads and are secretly pleased that the arrogant Chiefs will finally get what they deserve. Suddenly one of the Chiefs calls out: The conductor is coming!. At once, all the Chiefs jump up and squeeze into one of the toilets. The conductor checks the tickets of the Naval Officers. When he notices that the toilet is occupied he knocks on the door and says: Ticket, please! One of the Chiefs slides the single ticket under the doors and the conductor continues merrily on his round. For the return trip the Naval Officers decide to use the same trick. They buy only one ticket for the entire group but they are baffled as they realize that the Chiefs didnt buy any tickets at all. After a while one of the Chiefs announces again: The conductor is coming! Immediately all the Naval Officers race to a toilet and lock themselves in. All the Chiefs leisurely walk to the other toilet. Before the last Chief enters the toilet, he knocks on the toilet occupied by the Naval Officers and says: Ticket, please! Moral of the story? -- Officers like to use the methods of the Chiefs, but they dont really understand them. MASTER CHIEF AND 3 LIEUTENANTS One day, a Master Chief went to the Officers Club with his Captain to eat lunch. When they entered the main dining room, they found the place was crowded. They did notice three Lieutenants sitting at a table with two empty chairs, so the Captain asked them if they could join them. They promptly invited them to join them. They ordered lunch and joined them in conversation as they ate. At one point, the Master Chief mentioned he had observed characteristics about many officers from which he could determine the sources of their commissioning. The Lieutenants were eager to hear about this and asked if he could tell how each of them had been commissioned. The Master Chief turned to the Lieutenant on his left and said he went through ROTC. The Lieutenant confirmed that was correct and asked how he had noted this. The Master Chief replied that the Lieutenant, through his conversation, seemed to have a strong academic background but limited military experience. The Master Chief then told the Lt on his right that he had gone through OCS with previous enlisted service. The Lieutenant confirmed this was correct and also asked how he had determined this. The Master Chief said, again through his conversation, that the Lieutenant seemed to have a firm military background and a lot of common sense. The Lieutenant across the table from the Master Chief asked if he had determined his source of commission. The Master Chief replied that the Lieutenant had graduated from the United States Naval Academy. The Lieutenant stated that was correct and asked if he had noticed his high level of intelligence, precise military bearing, or other superior qualities acquired at the United States Naval Academy. The Master Chief replied that it was none of these that led to his determination. He had simply observed the Lieutenants class ring while he was picking his nose. ROUTE TO BECOMING AN ADMIRAL Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight. After theyre airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a low voice, Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons. After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tightlipped smile, Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both judges. After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims: Master Chief Petty Officer, United States Navy, retired. Never married, two sons, both Admirals. SEAMANSHIP TEST One time during the underway watch the OOD decided to test a Chief Petty Officers seamanship. Chief, what would you do if the forward watch fell off the side of the ship? Easy, sir, Id call Man Overboard and follow the Man Overboard procedures. What would you do if an officer fell overboard? Hmmm, The Chief said, Which one, sir?
Posted on: Thu, 07 Aug 2014 16:42:34 +0000
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