THE QUESTION THAT BROUGHT ME TO HAPPINESS. Can I really live the next 40 years of my life like this? When I asked myself this question six years ago I was in a bit of doom and gloom period. Choosing that day to fully listen and comprehend this question brought the shock of understanding that who I was choosing to be was not only creating my now, but setting the stage for my future. It was THE KEY MOMENT that I decided enough was enough ... I can be more I can do more I can have more! Can I really live the next 40 years of my life like this? For a long time my life was a big pile of poo. I was fifteen years into an unfulfilling marriage, I was living in an isolated area and I lacked financial freedom as money was controlled by someone else. I was told I should be more like other wives, my partner was not my best friend, my own passion was not supported and I was living with someone who unbeknown to me at the time was creating his version happiness with other women. Who had I been back then? Someone who had been too afraid to get out and go it alone. Someone who felt weak. Someone who accepted others opinions, judgement and labels. Someone who thought life happens to me and that is that. Someone who thought that this life, although unhappy, is what I know. Can I really live the next 40 years of my life like this? I found out that my husband had been unfaithful. Was I a strong, savvy woman back then? Not in the slightest. I stayed, I aimed to work it out. I didnt want to lose the security I knew, even though this security produced so much unhappiness. Can I really live the next 40 years of my life like this? Six months into the trying to work it out phase of our marriage, I found out the infidelity was still occurring. I became stronger this time ... I ended things! For two weeks. Two weeks, then fear came back and so did he. Can I really live the next 40 years of my life like this? Two months later I asked him to move back in to the family home. When you get a job, Ill come back. Right, Im on to it, Ill be good enough when I get a job! Can I really live the next 40 years of my life like this? Four months later I still didnt have a job and gave him an ultimatum. Last chance, come back or dont. He reluctantly came back (not really a picture of a loving reunion) and straight away it was uncomfortable, awkward and forced. Can I really live the next 40 years of my life like this? Six weeks later he sat me down to tell me he had absolutely no love left for me whatsoever. He was going. But ... but .... I was starting a new job the next day ... I was going to be a better version of me! But he still left. The next weeks went by in a blur, I played the part of a happy new employee and come 5pm went home numb and spent. Can I really live the next 40 years of my life like this? The new job I was at was in a rural area and I would travel 30km along country roads each day to and from work. Whilst driving home one day in the middle of nowhere a very clear voice said: What are you doing? Hes a pig! You are so much better than this. Get a grip, woman! Can you really live the next 40 years of your life like this? I finally understood. I finally got it. It finally scared me more now to not change, than to remain the same. I also came to understand that life like this had never really been about him at all, although at the time I had believed it to be. He had actually been strong enough to pursue his own happiness. Perhaps not in a fashion I would, but in the way he thought was suitable at the time. Life like this had been about who I was choosing to be, what I was choosing to believe about life, others and myself, and what I thought I deserved. So I made a choice and with conviction spoke three words that still stick with me to this day. Onwards, upwards, always. My little mantra that will never have me lost, alone, weak or undeserving ever again. As life is one big school I still have lessons to learn and perhaps challenges ahead, but I will always face them with life like this as being onwards, upwards, always. Oh, and I should mention that whilst my ex husbands actions hurt me immensely, I dont believe him now to be a pig. We were both together for a period to learn more about ourselves and who we needed to be. In different ways perhaps and I know that I too own our marriage not working, but that does not make either of us wrong, it just makes us, us. The reason why Im sharing this with you today is because I want to teach you what Ive lived, what I know, what Im skilled at and what I have qualifications in: Assisting you to create your awesome life like this ... one where you are being happy your way, doing happy your way and a having happy your way. And this is created by you, incorporating a massive amount of deliciously life creating self awareness, acknowledgement and action. Ill teach you. All you need to do is come along. Self Inventory for the Savvy Sisterhood. Forget victim. Thats so last century. Create your kick-ass life today. I believe in you, because I am you and I was you. I know you.
Posted on: Sat, 27 Sep 2014 02:07:48 +0000
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