THE UK WINTER FUEL ALLOWANCE Spend it Wisely! About this time of the year, older taxpayers in the UK will again be receiving another Winter Fuel payment. This is indeed a very exciting programme which Ill explain it by using a Q & A format: Q. What is a Winter Fuel payment? A. It’s money that the government will give to taxpayers. Q. Where will the government get this money? A. From taxpayers. Q. So the government is giving me back my own money? A. Only a smidgen of it. Q. What is the purpose of this payment? A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase gas and electricity or a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy. Q. But isnt that stimulating the economy of China? A. Shut up! Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the UK economy by spending your Winter Fuel cheque wisely: * If you spend the money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to Gibraltar, Ireland and Luxembourg. * If you spend it on Amazon your money will go Lichtenstein. * If you spend it on eBay your money will go Switzerland. * If you spend it on petrol your money will go to the Arabs. * If you purchase a computer it will go to India, Taiwan or China. * If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Kenya, Spain, or Morocco. * If you spend it on cheap cigarettes it will end up in Romania or Bulgaria. * If you buy an efficient car it will go to Japan or Korea. * If you buy a luxury car it will go to India or Germany. * If you pay off your credit cards or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore. Instead, keep the money in the UK by: 1. Spending it at car boot sales. 2. Going to nightclubs. 3. Spending it on call girls. 4. Buying cider, beer or scotch. 5. Getting yourself a tattoo. 6. Visiting a bookie. These are the only UK businesses still operating in the UK! Conclusion: Go to a nightclub with a tattooed call girl that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer all day and night! Its the patriotic thing to do. No need to thank me... just glad I could be of help.
Posted on: Fri, 02 Jan 2015 11:09:29 +0000
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