THRILLER #65: ‘The Innocent Bystanders’ Ugh. The only ‘innocent bystanders’ here are the people who sit through this episode, which is bad enough that I found myself thinking “Ah, maybe it’s just as well THRILLER only lasted two seasons.” It marks the last script by Robert Hardy Andrews, and if good directors like Ida Lupino and Herschel Daugherty were able to make his often-overwrought scripts into something worth watching, then the decidedly-underwhelming work of first-time THRILLER director John English showed what could happen in lesser hands. If not for the always-excellent John Anderson and some unintentionally hilarious moments, ‘The Innocent Bystanders’ could have beaten out ‘Kill My Love’ as the worst episode of Season Two. The basic plot involves a pair of bodysnatchers, Jacob Grant (Anderson) and John Paterson (George Kennedy), who have decided to skip the middleman and make their own corpses. Their primary buyer, Dr. Marcus Graham (Carl Benton Reid), spends a lot of time proselytizing about the evils of bodysnatching, while Grant & Paterson are eyeing up a trio of new boarders as their next victims… In different hands (both writer and director), there could have been a good story here. But man, this is just awful in the cheesiest sort of way. In fact, this is one of a handful of THRILLER episodes that would have adapted well to being sent-up on MST3K. It starts with beggar ‘Little Jamie’ (played by Dikki Lerner, previously Hans in ‘The Weird Tailor’) shamelessly mugging his way through a Harpo Marx-inspired dance that brings the entire town (of 10) to a standstill. But then his accompanist gets snagged by Grant & Paterson, at which point Boris Karloff comes on to deliver one of his most florid opening narrations of the entire series; my favorite line refers to “bloodstained pages”, which is funny because Grant & Paterson appear to be stranglers. It just gets worse from there. But a few of my favorite moments include: *Steve Terrell (as Bruce Evans, one of the boarders) looking like he was playing dress-up *Terrell tailing the bodysnatchers, only to get distracted by a ‘Man Wanted’ sign that gets filled just as he’s deciding whether to try for the job or not *George Kennedy’s stocking cap, complete with a little ball on the end *How John Anderson sent George Kennedy off like a murderous windup toy *The fight scene between Kennedy and Terrell, during which it looks like Terrell keeps trying to tag off to his on-screen wife, Elsie (Janet Lake) *The ‘Union of Graverobbers’ beating the tar out of Anderson *And, best (or worst) of all, how the whole mess came to a screeching halt every time Dr. Graham came on the screen When looking at the performances here, I’m not sure how fair it is to criticize the actors, given the lousy script and equally lousy direction. I mean, if they could make a well-regarded character actor like George Kennedy look like a drooling hunchbacked dimwit (which was his actual role), then most of the cast never stood a chance. Heck, Carl Benton Reid was reputedly pretty good in ‘Little Women’, but boy, is he a deadly bore here. As for most of the rest…Steve Terrell is best remembered for ‘Invasion Of The Saucer Men’ and guest appearances on TV westerns; I’ve seen him do some good work, but this isn’t it. Janet Lake is lovely, but likewise just not up to the challenge here. Than Wyenn is okay as the ratfink assistant to Dr. Graham, Vane. But John Anderson makes the rest of the cast look like rank amateurs with his performance as the glib but thoroughly heartless Jacob Grant; he reminds me of John Carradine’s erudite hobo from ‘The Remarkable Mrs. Hawk’, but a WHOLE lot meaner. I’d actually recommend ‘The Innocent Bystanders’ for a viewing, but only if you’re prepared to have some laughs. Two more episodes remaining… FINAL SCORE: 3 out of 10 criss-crossed THRILLER lines
Posted on: Sat, 01 Feb 2014 06:33:06 +0000
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