TRUE SIGNS THAT JOHN AND DAR NEED TO GO BACK TO ARIZONA - Just like flies coming indoors, leaves beginning to fall and the stinking slow apple harvest trucks on the highway, there are definite signs that autumn is here. I started this post intending to only show the picture of Darlene clipping back the raspberry bushes but then, as I am sitting here under the end table lamp doing the one-finger typing dance on my IPad, one of the aforementioned flies started doing extremely noisy strafing runs around my head. Apparently this was the Red-Baron-Top-Gun-Ace of the fly fleet as he had just been in the other room annoying Darlene in the same manner. Now we all know that successfully annoying Darlene usually leads to dire consequences because she has a vindictive streak like no other. I can speak from experience. Thus, her carefully concocted plan was to turn off the light in the other room, luring Mr. Top Gun Fly in next to me where she crouches, fly swatter in hand, waiting for the little demon to alight. I am also well armed with a fly swatter at hand. Now, in military terms, weve got this battle won going away. Firepower? No contest. Intelligence? I mean, our brains alone outweigh this solitary fly by a factor of 10 followed by a whole bunch of zeroes. So we should have an advantage here. Mobility? Yes. Maneuverability? Not so much. Mr. Fly has obviously studied guerrilla tactics in the Fly Service Academy. Thus, he keeps moving constantly, picks easily defensible landing spots, and announces his whereabouts continually which serves to provoke the enemy into wild, poorly planned and executed offensive maneuvers. Evidence for the latter would be Darlenes random swinging of the swatter in hopes of landing a perfectly random knockdown. Which, is as unsuccessful as the previous ambush tactic. After 15 minutes of this nonsense, Darlene gives up and goes back to the other room leaving me to wage solo war on the Fly From Hell. I continue typing and listening for the silence indicating a land......WAIT, WAIT.....THIS JUST IN! A risky blind backhand swipe at a shadow on the other side of the lampshade may have connected! An object was detected spiraling downward towards the gap between recliner and floor. The buzzing has ceased! Is victory at hand? Unfortunately a quick (okay,not so quick....I had to get out of my chair) survey of the crash site revealed no dead bodies or wreckage. Maybe he is dead. Maybe just wounded. Maybe the Fly Air Force Medivac squad got there before me and whisked him away to a Recuperation Clinic in Germany (isnt that where they always go?) Anyway, there is no absolute confirmation that he is dead and wont be back - I can live with that. So where was I? Oh, right, autumn, Dar clipping raspberry bushes and....wait, did I hear a buzz? I did! Must have only wounded him. Curse word, curse word, really bad curse word. Im going to bed.
Posted on: Thu, 02 Oct 2014 05:54:25 +0000
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