Tag! Youre It! In the wild and wooly super fast paced ‘On to the next One’ ‘Keep it Movin’ world of the dating game it can be really hard to get to the heart of who people really are. Especially with online dating, set ups, hook ups and the quick ‘meet and greets’ over coffee or drinks there’s just not a lot of time to sort it all out. So that means you have to get really good really fast at figuring out where people are coming from and what their true intentions are when it comes to dating you. To that end there are things that people say and do that should clue you in to just that…little (and not so little) indicators…signs, signals, hints, and cues that help you gauge their level of interest in you. And by all means please don’t miss the red flags when it’s time to pump the brakes. Sometimes there are small red flags that are there…and then sometimes there are ginormous gargantuan Godzilla King Kong Super Sized Super Bowl Sunday God Bless America sized ‘RED FLAGS’! For example: A dear friend of mine shared with me a story about a ‘first date’ she recently went on that got…really interesting…towards the end. She’d heard about him through a friend and they first met while out with a group of friends. She was actually more interested in one of the other guys in the group but somehow ended up…sorry…too much foreshadowing…let’s say somehow ‘was presented with the opportunity’ to go out with someone else in the group instead. Which she did. So here’s the good stuff or the ‘white flags’ he gave her: He’s attractive, charming, employed, has his own place and his own car. Good! Pretty big stuff to check off the list. The dinner date started out without a hitch. He picked her up (from a place other than where she lived…always be safe ladies). They were driving to their destination when she noticed his colorful ‘Jameson Whiskey’ tee shirt. (Not my first choice in wardrobe to make an impression on a first date but to each his own…whatever!) That’s when she said, ‘Gee, a drink sounds really good right about now.’ To which he replied…’Really? Well I just happen to have some right here in my car.’ And before you ask, no, he’s not a Jameson Whiskey rep and no he’s not a whiskey delivery guy. Now personally I’m a bit of a pack rat and despite my best efforts I end up keeping lots of neat things in my own car but a bottle of whiskey isn’t one of them…but again…this ain’t about me…it’s about them. Let’s continue with the story… So they pull over (safety first:) and have a pre date en route drink or two in the car. Tasty. Then he says, ‘It’s probably better if we park and walk the rest of the way. I have a DUI and don’t want to get pulled over again.’ To which she understandingly replied, ‘Ok.’ Then he promptly walks her up a very steep hill in very high heels towards their destination for the evening. Along the way they pass another bar. He notices and says, ‘Hey let’s stop in here and have a drink’. Very chivalrous offer as technically he didn’t actually ‘buy’ her the first few drinks since he already owned the bottle from his car. She said ‘Ok.’ They each had another drink. Tasty indeed. The bartender hands him the tab and he promptly passes it on to her and says, ‘You got this right?’ Whoa! Ok, tee shirt on a first date, DUI and whiskey bottle in the car aside, this is a red flag if I’ve ever heard one! That was just rude. Ok guys and dolls, here’s the Dr Ish first date rule for picking up the tab…if you offer you should pay! Or at least offer to pay or split the tab. Actually I’m a little old school when it comes to this and I think guys should always pay for the first date…period. It just seems like the right thing to do. But I digress… So she paid. Then they soldiered on towards their destination for the evening. They arrive at the restaurant and are waiting to be seated when he notices the battery on his cell phone has died. He informs her of this emergency situation and asks if she minded if he steps over to the bar in the restaurant and charges his phone…he just happened to spot a free outlet. She said ‘Ok.’ The place wasn’t packed so the table became available pretty quickly…but he wasn’t back yet. She and the hostess, who were as close as old friends at this point, looked towards the bar and saw him having a drink…with another woman. Yes! You heard me! Now tee shirts and whiskey bottles and bad manners and crappy cell phone batteries aside…I think we all can agree that having a drink with a woman while you’re actually on a date…with ANOTHER woman…kind of crosses the line. My friend cleverly walks over and says, ‘There you are honey, our table is ready and I just checked in with the sitter and she says the children are just fine.’ Funny girl. He tilted his head to the side and looked at her quizzically (as they don’t actually have any children together) and shuffled on over to the table. Before she walked away from the bar the other woman grabbed her hand and explained what had just happened. She said he had walked up and asked if he could have a sip (just a sip) of her drink. She was confused because: A. Her husband was sitting right next to her at the time…and B. She couldn’t imagine letting a strange guy drink from her glass…so C. She bought him his own drink…and yes D. This guy has yet to pay for his own drink tonight! So, they finally get to the table. They order and while waiting for their food she takes out her phone. She asked if it was ok to take a pick of them together. He said, ‘Sure, just do me a favor and don’t tag me in it…my girlfriend would get really pissed if she found out.’ Don’t tag me?!? Really bro?? Date over! My friend asks the server if they could go ahead and box her food up now as she would be making an early exit and to split that tab on the check as he’d be paying for his own. Good girl. She called a cab and with her very high heels she high tailed it outta there! So what have we learned? Well, again, when it comes to the dating game there are red flags and then there are ‘RED FLAGS’! All judgments of this guy’s choice in wardrobe and thirst for whiskey aside there are some things you just don’t do on a first date…or any date for that matter! My friend is a very nice and very sweet young woman and she probably put up with his antics waaaaay longer than she should have but in her defense she knew that date was over after he marched her up a hill in heels just to buy him a drink…they were really nice heels! This guy had an embarrassment of riches when it comes to red flags and she picked up on most of them…the whole gf getting pissed off if he was tagged thingy is pretty hard to miss! But if you’re already actually on the date it’s hard to do anything about it right then. My advice, take it for what it is. An amusing evening’s opportunity to learn a little something about someone knew who may or may not become a friend…because they certainly are not…I repeat..NOT…date worthy. Nobody’s perfect and we all have things we don’t openly share with others until we get to know them a little better. And for first dates we all try to put our best foot forward. But if this was his ‘best foot’ I damn sure don’t wanna see his ‘worst foot’! And ladies, stop saying ‘Ok’ when guys do and say and suggest ridiculous things that you know in your heart are not ok. You have a voice…it’s ok to use it! I’ll use mine right now and tell you what I told her… ‘Next!’ Until then, Dr. Ish
Posted on: Mon, 28 Oct 2013 17:35:02 +0000
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