Thank you my friend Nono Montalvan for this most sensitive discussion of an issue nobody wants to face until they are trapped by circumstances they can no longer ignore or push off to another day. I met your mom just a few years ago when she was in the fullness of life and appeared to be so indestructible. a well-educated woman, her memory was phenomenal, her wit sharp as nails. she was five years older than my dad who also defied the ravages of age and this i took as a most encouraging sign for my dad. last july, dads health took a turn that we always dreaded and for the first time we had to confront the same fears, religious and ethical questions you had to deal with. dad was determined to reach 100 and this we fully supported. that he could go at 92 we could not accept. that he would go in pain or in prolonged coma or be strapped to life supports indefinitely was too much to bear. one day when he failed to wake up from an afternoon nap, his wife and caregivers panicked and rushed him to the hospital. They were aware of his wishes: no extraordinary means to save his life. he did not want to be reduced to vegetative condition. he had long drafted his last will and this was between him and his lawyer, without anybody else dictating terms. what was clear stated many times was that he wanted immediate cremation and no ostentatious or prolonged funeral wake. when his vital signs started going flat, the doctors rushed to resuscitate him in a manner so violent on his frail body that my stepmom took pity and told them to stop. she held my dads hand and whispered into his ears: Dad, if you want to go, just go. we will be alright. we love you. in a minute or so of total silence the machine showed total flat lines. a few hours later I arrived from manila for his cremation. i saw his face for the first time and there was a little smile on his lips. i want to believe he went out in a serene manner because we followed his wishes and did not allow any grief or guilt feelings to get in the way. we were heartbroken but consoled by the thought that he lived a full and meaningful life and he had prepared himself to meet his maker.
Posted on: Mon, 22 Dec 2014 08:10:33 +0000
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