Thanks for all the birthday wishes. It means a lot to me. I really felt loved this year. Good food and good friends. Thats all I really want. Yesterday I spent most of it self reflecting and I hope that doesnt make me seem obsessed with myself, but 21 seemed like a big deal. My dad explained its significance through numerology, and that may or may not be true, but I think its just because I am fed up with myself and I want 21 to be a good year. I want it to be the beginning of making wise choices and loving people the way they deserve. Like I said before, I was flooded with love yesterday and I dont really get why. I feel like the past three years I have lost sense of myself in some ways. I experimented with what submission and obedience looks like, as I gave little thought to prophetic words and prophetic people and let them determine major life choices. I took advice from people I shouldnt have been listening to and ignored those with wisdom. Eschatological pressures and the coming revivals fueled me, and theological and spiritual fads led my way. And Ive cut people out at times because of my own carelessness or because I was warned of their influence. And I lost much of the unfiltered passion I had for Christ when I first came to faith. I used to be so pleased with him alone, and excited about looking more and more like him, with his heart for restoring this world and his mercy for the broken and forgotten. I had so much hope and excitement when I came to faith. Sure, I had some terrible theology, but at least Jesus led me to be kinder and optimistic and loving. Eventually he became the opposite. As ideas and techniques and revival became the backbone of my faith and Jesus became a background figure, I found Jesus becoming the wall between believer and unbeliever, charismatic and noncharismatic, legalistic and the free. And I dont think that was Jesus. Ive also reverted to some old ways and let old habits come back into my life: group think, judgmentalism, self righteousness, etc. Things my childhood religion bred well. All that to say Ive lost sense of me in some ways. Some big ways. And there are reasons why but no excuses. And I feel some of it being recovered slowly, as Ive regained joy as Ive started to realize just how great this gospel is and just how wild Jesus is. I feel like Im coming alive again and getting a clearer picture of who I am, of how Ive been created, and where Christ is leading me. And I hope my 21st year reveals integrity, hope, joy, wisdom, and the Kingdom, with the glories of compassion and miracles, in my life. Im thankful for where I am, and I can honestly say that Im excited to be going where I am going.
Posted on: Sun, 30 Mar 2014 15:05:32 +0000
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015