The Adventures of Uncle Swilly III © Written by Roger Webb Swilly Straps a Camera to His Head Newfangled things are not what Swilly is really into. Not because it’s different, just because he’s Swilly that’s all. You see he is kind of backwoods and doesn’t get out to those big stores uptown where all the traffic jams take place. His idea of a drive is down some dirt road hunting for some fresh road kill not stopping at traffic lights one after another. The only red he wants to see is some eyes shinning in his headlight not following behind some city slicker in some fancy sports car weaving in and out of traffic and slamming on his breaks every 30 seconds. His cousin Mary Lou stopped by to show Swilly what she just got delivered from a discount sporting goods store in Northern Louisiana. She explained, it’s a camera for those on the go and want to show everyone how they permanently injured their neck doing a backflip off their brother-in-laws dump truck or something exciting like that. It didn’t take the 3rd long before he knew he needed one. You could see it in his eyes he had something up his sleeve and it was more than a hairy arm. When Unc gets that look you know history is getting ready to be made or a lasting memory that will go down in his list of wild adventures. Hopefully this time no bones will be broken or any lost skin or hair that will have to grow back. Two weeks later his much looked after package arrived and it wasn’t more than an hour till Swilly done and figured out how to strap the thing to his head and turn it on. He was like a kid with a new toy on Christmas morning! The first thing he wanted to do was hook up his airboat and head to the river. There he goes driving down the road with that camera strapped to his head. He made sure every truck he passed in either direction he slowed down and looked over so they were sure to see his new toy. Boy did he get some looks and he was loving every minute of it! He unloaded his boat and off he goes across the flats but what he didnt realize the camera had been on ever since he left the house. He figured out how to turn it on, but off, well he hadn’t even thought of that. He went skimming across the marsh to the cut off to Gator Mound and forgot the water was a bit low and hit a clump of switch grass and off he went sailing head over heels three times and landed in some saw grass. After catching his breath he climbed back on his boat and took off. He was so use to wearing a light on his head at night while out on the airboat he had forgotten about the still recording camera on his head. Something on top of his head is just part of what he does. It wasn’t long he came upon Round Lake to his favorite hunting grounds. Up on the bank was a big ole boar hog just slinging dirt everywhere. That multi-colored hog had his head buried so far down in the ground it hadnt even noticed Swilly had him in his sights. Unc headed for the bank but just before he got there he hit a mud slick and his boat caught suction and the boat stopped dead in it tracks. Once again ole Swill went head over heels and landed right on top of that boar hog. He hit it just right and straddled its back... the fight was on! Swily looked like a professional bull rider on the back of the angriest bull you had ever seen. They hit the water and the fight was on even more! It was hard to tell who was getting the best of who. After about 10 minutes of non-stop action Swilly had that hog tied up with his belt and had it loaded it in the boat and off he went. He was soaked head to toe with river mud and weeds hanging all over him. All he wanted to do was go out for a little ride and film some beauty of God’s creation but this was turning out to be one of those days. He still had forgotten about his new toy strapped to his head. Just before he comes up on the main channel heading back to the truck he passed under a Cyprus tree and a four foot water moccasin slid off a limb and landed right in Swilly’s lap. You talking about some fancy moves, ol Swill was getting it done! He was squealing like a girl and spinning that boat around and around in circles. When he finally slowed the boat down enough to where he could get out of the seat he jumped straight up in the air and landed on the front deck of his boat and began flailing at the snake. He was going 90 miles an hour and getting nowhere. He was stomping and kicking. The look on his face was one like a man what just saw his mother-in-law walk in the front door with a suitcase under each arm. He finally snatched the snake by the tail and slung it out into the marsh! With all the excitement he hadnt noticed that ole boar hog in the bottom of the boat had done and got half loose and was coming out of the bottom of the boat half crazed and looking for someone to bite. Swill looked down and about that time that hog lunged toward him and the fight was on... AGAIN! He grabbed it by the tail just about the time it jumped into the water and Swill was hanging on for dear life. That hog was swimming and pulling Unc right behind. By the time they got to the bank Swill reached out and grabbed a hind leg and was able to throw the hog and tie it back up. Swill looked up and there was his boat idling the whole time and the prop was slowly pushing the boat down the river along with the current. Here goes the 3rd running down the bank chasing after his boat. After about 100 yards he jumped in the water and caught the boat and was able to pull it to where he could get in it. He got back in the seat and headed back to the hog to load it up, then headed to his truck. All of this has taken place and he has not even been in the water no more than an hour and a half! Pulling up to his truck he went to load his boat up on the trailer then the gas pedal stuck in full throttle and it gunned the boat up on the trailer and it turned sideways on the trailer. Swill quickly hit the kill switch and cut the motor off. Boy-oh-boy this was one of those days! When Swilly pulled into his yard several of his buddies were sitting under the shade tree in his front yard talking things over and wondering where Swilly was. The first thing his buddies noticed was the camera strapped to his head. They all recognized what it was and could’nt believe Swilly had bought one. They noticed Swilly was soaking wet and was covered head to toe in mud. They asked, what in the world hed been into. Swilly tried his best to avoid the questions and insisted they change the subject... He was NOT going to tell them what all had happened to him because there is NO WAY they would ever let him live it down. Luther noticed the camera was on and running. He reached up and snatched it off his head and said loudly Boys, let’s see what Swilly’s been up to! Bout that time Mary Lou pulled up in her jacked-up four wheel drive truck and Luther asked her if she had her laptop cause they were wanting to find out what Swilly was hiding. When they plugged in the memory card the show was on! There was nothing but one laugh after another. The camera had caught it all. From flipping head over heels, to flying through the air and landing on top of that hog, even the snake handling episode was in full color! They were about to roll around on the ground when they saw Swilly’s boat floating down the river and Unc running after it. Yep it was all on film. And oh yeah, the trailer loading was a grand finale! They had never laughed so hard. They all were calling all their friends to come over and check out the latest on Uncle Swilly. They took the video and posted it on YouTube and within two days it went viral. It was months before the news simmered down. Even to this day some still call him the snake charmer. Yep if you’re anywhere near Uncle Swilly’s be sure to stop on by. Believe it or not he’s even got still shots on him flying through the air and non-stop-action-one–picture-at-a-time of his day with a camera strapped to his head. He still gets kind of red faced every now in then but he will be the first one to laugh at himself and his wild adventure the day the snake made him famous. The Adventures of Uncle Swilly III © Written by Roger Weeb rogerwebb.org
Posted on: Sun, 06 Apr 2014 22:18:38 +0000
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