The Adventures of Uncle Swilly III © Written by Roger Webb Roscoe: Better known as The Duct Tape King It’s been three years since Rosco moved out of the swamps and into his sixty-foot doublewide trailer house that his seventy-nine year old grandma left him just before she had to serve time. She simply refused to pay the forty-two speeding tickets and numerous other vehicle citations. Violations were ranging from drag racing down Hwy 50 to parking her Super Duty F-450 Dually at the local Wally World’s front entrance time and time again. You see she has a hard time walking due to the fact she injured her hips jumping out of her trucks all these years. Her motto: I play hard so catch me of you can. There’s nothing Rosco can’t fix or make out of Duct Tape. Take his 1965 Dodge pick-up for instance. The paint started peeling really bad and looked awful. No one knows where on earth he comes up with so many rolls of the stuff but some how he manages to have plenty on hand. He duct taped his whole truck. Yep, every square inch. What’s so interesting he used two different colors, brown and tan, making it two tone and it actually looked …well?.. very interesting to say the least. He used original gray on the bumpers, front and back and some how was able to polish the tape and made them look shiny. Just before grandma was incarcerated Rosco re-paneled her living room with camo tape and duct taped the coffee tables with hunters fluorescent orange giving the room that hunting season look. Outback he has a Jon boat that the transom got knocked out last duck season when he hit a stump with his 15-horse Evinrude in a swamp out behind Uncle Swilly’s place. He rebuilt the transom with duct tape re-enforced it with aluminum cans. The thing now has a 25 Mercury pushing it and has not had any issues whatsoever. He even pulls a skier with no problems. You should see his Sunday-go-to-meeting duct tape Leisure Suit he made with a matching Fedora hat with a Wood Duck feather sporting to one side. Boy he’s a regular lady killer to say the least when he styles and profiles in that get up. Uncle Swilly entered the 4th of July parade last year and had Roscoe help him construct a float using wooden pallets and twenty-seven rolls of red duct tape. It was a surprise when Unc rolled down Hwy 50 with his rendition of South Florida’s elusive Two-Toed Swamp Ape Invading The Everglades. He didn’t win the contest but they sure did have fun using it for target practice later that evening. Roscoe’s made most of his money re-doing dash boards and re-roofing vinyl tops on older Lincoln Town Cars and 76 Chevy Chevettes and replacing knocked out widows all with duct tape. He is now working on a secret project developing solar panels using the stuff. He’s even figured out a way to re-cycle duct tape for heating. Down in Swilly’s nick of the woods you’ll find all kinds of wonderful and very colorful folks that know how to survive when city slickers are lost in a world of make believe. Redneck innovations can only be experienced first hand to be appreciated. Country folks, that know how to turn common scrap metal into usable bedroom furniture and other household items. Come on by and give the 3rd a shout and be sure to ask him about the up coming Hog calling contest ran by the local teen age girls in Swilly Town. Written by: Roger Webb The Adventures of Uncle Swilly III © rogerwebb.org
Posted on: Mon, 07 Apr 2014 00:40:55 +0000