The Captain Speaks: Counsels POTUS on retirement - a must read: teaser......... Incorporate your number into a word or phrase that will define your legacy. “RE2PECT” was wildly successful. You could try “H44LTH CARE,” “BE44ER THAN ROMNEY,” or “INHERITED A SHI44Y SITUATION.” Days before your final farewell, invite the media to your house. People love to say that we’re unknowable, but I’ve learned that you can change this perception with a quick “Look at my home!” interview. I did this with my townhouse, in the West Village, and I’ve never even slept there. You’d be surprised, but showing people your bathroom is the best way to say everything while saying essentially nothing at all. Suggest headlines that include phrases like “As You’ve Never Seen Him Before,” or “Opens Up . . . Finally!” This will help convince everyone that privacy came with the job description and is not, in fact, a deep-seated part of your personality. Celebrate your retirement for so long that even your enemies forget they hate you. Steinbrenner taught me that the best way to make an impact is to force your enemies to tolerate you. It wasn’t an accident that I played my final games at Fenway—I wanted to make everyone in Boston sit through my career highlights one last time. When you retire, your goal should be to have Fox News air an hour-long highlight reel with that sad Enya song playing in the background. Boehner should be photographed with a solitary tear running down his face. newyorker/humor/daily-shouts/derek-jeter-offers-obama-retirement-advice
Posted on: Wed, 15 Oct 2014 15:54:35 +0000
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