The New York Times recently printed an article advising working mothers not to talk about their children if they wanted to make as much money as their childless male counterparts (Sept 6). They based this advice off the findings of a recent study. This is exactly the sort of crap advice that makes working mothers INSANE. Oh, and if you can pass for white, you should deny your black heritage. Or if anyone asks you if you are Jewish, deny that too. Your life will be so much easier. God forbid we should ever challenge inaccurate and damaging assumptions about what any group of people can do. Like the assumption that a working woman with children will be less effective than her childless counterpart. If you were listening to the Michael Medved show yesterday, you heard me call in. I usually like Michael, but yesterday, I was livid. He presented the data from this article and said something to the effect of, “Of course mothers with children are going to be more distracted than men with children.” He implied that it was a lack of efficacy on the part of the working moms that resulted in their lower pay. I utterly reject this premise. I have lived the reality of working and having children, and I know the success I have had both as a mother and as a worker bee. You know what’s “of course”? Here’s some of the “of course” I know: • Working moms have to be organized. Organized people are good workers. • Working moms have to be focused. There is very little fluff in my life. Organized people are good workers. • Working moms have a many-faceted life that gives us a broad understanding of our customers and colleagues. Our lives are rich, and varied, and real. • Moms who work usually do so because they need the money. I don’t do this for entertainment. I do it because I need to pay the mortgage, pay the tuition and put food on the table. Workers who need their jobs are usually pretty devoted to them. OF COURSE we can be moms and effective workers. More importantly, to ask me to deny my children is to ask me to deny the best part of who I am. Hear me roar this: NO. I will in no way deny the best part of my life. Even granting that this maddening study is an accurate reflection of today’s reality (which is doubtful, the study was based on data from 1979 – 2006); why would I ever think 4% extra pay is going to be worth denying my children? The new feminism has nothing to do with denying who you are. It is about being your whole, true self. The new feminism is being authentically messy and authentically strong. It is being comfortable being a loving, devoted mom, and being driven to succeed. The new feminism is being nurturing and capable, being soft and strong, being a mom and being a business woman. Do I contradict myself? Very well, then, I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes. (Whitman) For too long we’ve been told: Don’t be too assertive, don’t be too soft. Don’t be too attractive, don’t be too frumpy. Don’t be too emotional, don’t be too cold. And now: If you must be a mom, don’t talk about your kids. No. Here’s some counter advice for you, with love: Be who you are. Be as smart as you are, be as strong as you are, be the loving mother you are. When at a table in a business meeting, speak your mind. When in negotiations, come away with what you need. And when you need to leave to make it home in time for dinner, go. Be your whole, authentic self. The only way to make a society better is to challenge prejudices and status quo. And I, by God, am challenging this one. With love,
Posted on: Wed, 22 Oct 2014 11:12:35 +0000
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