The Spouses of People with PTSD or Other Debilitating Anxiety Disorders The unrecognized heroes in this mess. The ones who shed tears over our pain and struggles. Who are a quiet witness as our fears bring a chaotic state to our thoughts and actions. They are the recipient of the anger we hold onto like a bad friend. Listening to our threats of leaving be it by suicide or running away. Were scared, yes, but so are they. Scared for us. They are fighting with the same intensity as we are. They fight to help us get to where they know we could be. They have more faith in us than we have for ourselves. One of the tremendous guilts we carry is were not what we think we should be for you. It lingers around us like a bad reminder. Every time I look at my best friend I hear its whispers somewhere in my mind. Why do you stay with me? You are so beautiful and could do better, be happier, with somebody else. Those thoughts are boomerangs and they come back to us with, they deserve better. Its a belief too strong to break except by becoming what your faith told you we could be. So we hang on and try. The anger is almost never about you even though we furiously spit it out in your direction. Impetuously throwing out derogatory names and accusations like a drunken artillery battery. The shells do land and hit their mark. They hit us right in our souls. My best friend and spouse told me one day while I was in a spittle rage, youre not angry at me, but yourself. Every name youre calling me is how you feel about yourself. Even though it still hurts me thats what youre doing. Mike Tyson couldnt of hit me any harder. Truth can hurt. Since then I have almost ceased getting angry at her. Now my rages are directed towards the world and even that is slowly going away. We owe you more than will ever be able to give back. Know this though, when we are able live up to the faith you have in us, youre going to have somebody who will love you to the end of days. Were not going to forget when we felt so alone you were right by our side the whole time. How you held us when we needed it while we cried over everything we felt was wrong with us. How you loved us so deeply when we didnt understand how you could. We will not never forget these things. This I promise for you are OUR heroes...always.
Posted on: Sat, 23 Aug 2014 00:32:36 +0000
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