The absolute worse time was during my hiatus from training through injury. We had just got back from England after spending six weeks there over Christmas 2009. My wife started to notice that I became withdrawn and irritable more than I usually am. Anyways, we had just finished building our dream home complete with pool and 16 seat cinema, living the Australian dream you could say. Anyways, after we moved in, I became even more withdrawn. So much so that I neglected my wife and my children to the extent I would no longer acknowledge them. I locked myself in the bedroom and had my meals brought to me and I would only ever come out when no one was around. It got so bad that I would literally hide in the wardrobe when we had guests. One particular day, my wife persuaded me to go out shopping, well I was so freaked out when I got there, that she had to take me home so I can go back to my safe place. During this time, I was seeing a psychologist who tried to help me with some things. This was not a good sign to me, it felt like everyone was failing me and not understanding. In the end my GP decided that maybe I should go back home to England. I did not hesitate or think twice. Put the house on the market and I arranged to go home and my wife and kids to join me later, I believed this was the best thing. However, being alone in England made it worse; i blamed my wife for everything and said it was all her fault as she did not understand. What was i doing, this woman had stood by me and here i was pushing her away to the point she sought some comfort elsewhere. This was the absolute breaking point in my life, that i put things into action to take my own life. One night i was just lying there in bed, crying, thinking and basically trying to dig deep enough to realise what on earth was I doing to everyone. What would my kids think of me, I could not break their hearts, I could not live like this, and it was then I held on to the little life I had and began to dig myself out the hole I had inadvertently created. Day by day and step by step, I fought with the demons, I began winning just the little battles. Kathleen and the kids finally came over and although it was strained in the beginning, things began to improve. The defining moment that I began to live again and never let this awful affliction take over my life was the day my daughter Cerise was born. She made me whole again, mended my mind and abolished the demons. muscletricks/?q=marksmithmuscletricks
Posted on: Thu, 09 Oct 2014 08:00:00 +0000
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