The first time I was told about Guruji, was in 2002, by a close friend who had been going to Guruji for many years. I remember telling him how silly he was to believe in a guru, and that I would never go to him because I only believed in God. I had always been religious, and equally superstitious. In school, we were taught to pray to Jesus, and at home, I would see my parents go to Vaishno Devi several times a year. Sometimes, I accompanied them. However, the most consistent family ritual was, to go to the Chattarpur mandir every Sunday. Even though, it was always embedded in me to believe in God, but the prayers were always very selfish. I would start fasting every Monday during exam time so that God would make me do well in them. I would tell God that I would donate a specific amount of money at a mandir if he gave me what I had asked for. Every prayer was more like a bargain. This seemed alright, because it is what everyone I knew used to do. However, after I started coming to Guruji, my entire concept of prayer changed. I have found so much peace and happiness in Guruji’s mandir, that now he is the only God I pray to. I have stopped going to all other mandirs, stopped visiting astrologers, stopped feeling superstitious. Guruji’s grace is so powerful and strong, and he has given me so much love, that now I feel that he is all I need. However, it took me a long time to get to this point. In 2002-03, whenever my friend mentioned Guruji to me every now and then, and once he even asked me if I would like to go visit Guruji with him, I said that I didnt believe in such nonsense. Eventually, because of my caustic and disrespectful remarks, he stopped mentioning Guruji to me. I remember once in 2004, when I was having a bad day, my friend made me sit on a lazy-boy recliner that Guruji used to sit on, and had given to him. I didnt believe in Guruji then, so my friend didnt tell me that it was Guruji’s chair, but I remember I sat on it for about 10 minutes and during those few minutes, I felt all my worries leave me. I felt happy. Just this year, I found out that it was Guruji’s chair, that I had sat on, and now when I think about it, I realise that Guruji obviously knew of me, and despite my disbelief and disrespect, he found a way to bless me. Even though I never went to meet Guruji because of my cussedness, I remember my friend told me about him when he attained Mahasamadhi. After that, we never spoke about Guruji again. In July 2010, I had a dream in which I was talking to the same friend on the phone, and he said that he was going to meet Guruji because it was his birthday. And I said, but I thought you said Guruji passed away?” That is all I remember of the dream. However, it wasnt the last. I started getting more and more dreams, and every time I would feel low while in the car, I would see a car with a “Guruji” sticker pass my car. I had a feeling that it was all somehow connected, but I still couldnt understand it completely. I tried to talk to my friend, but considering the bad things I had said about Guruji earlier, he never spoke to me about it. Nevertheless, Guruji found other ways to answer my questions. Suddenly, people I didnt know very well, but went to school or college with, started talking to me about Guruji. I was surprised that all these people around me knew of him. They gave answers to most of my questions, and guided me to his groups on Facebook. I had more questions, and I remember, sending a long message to Rama aunty from Jullandhar, asking about Guruji. I asked about who he was, and why I was feeling pulled towards him. I did not know this then, but she was one of the closest people to Guruji, and obviously, Guruji must have guided me to send the message to her. After getting so many messages, I decided to visit the mandir. The first few times that I went there in the afternoon, I did not know what was going on. I would leave without having the prasad, because I felt too shy to ask someone for it. Then someone told me to go for the Langar, and I did. I remember I was very distracted, I was texting the whole time the shabads were playing, and I was also very put off by the fact that people were licking the plates with their fingers. I remember texting my friend who was close to Guruji, and telling him that, as soon as I walked out. I didnt go to the mandir for a while after that. A few days later, I thought I would go, but I was stuck in a huge jam, and could not make it on time. Therefore, I drove back home, told my friend that obviously Guruji’s miracles were for other people, not me, and that I was never going to the mandir again because he clearly didnt want me to be there. For the next few months, I told people about how stupid I had been to get involved in such things, and laughed it off. I forgot about the mandir completely, and vowed never to be influenced by these things again. In November 2010, I was in New Zealand on my birthday. I remember seeing a Guruji photograph there, but I did not join my hands or bow my head. I no longer believed in him, so I just stared at it. I did not realise then that it was Guruji, giving me his darshan on my birthday, so far away from home. The next day, my friend Katyaini sent me a text saying that she had gone to Guruji’s mandir and that it was awesome. This was a little odd, because just a month ago, both of us had had a very long conversation about how idiotic the concept of Gurus is, and how we should only believe in God. I replied to the text saying, Yes, its really amazing, isnt it? Theres so much good energy there. I dont really know what made me say that when I didnt even believe in him. I returned from New Zealand the next week and went to the mandir the next day. It was a Monday, and ever since, Ive gone to the mandir every Monday (except a couple, maybe, because I was too unwell to go). Initially I would ask him for small, immaterial things. I dont think Ive ever asked him for anything material. Ive never said Guruji please give me a Chanel classic or a Dior tote. I have asked him to make my temper disappear, for more love from those I love, for affection, for him to make me happy. Im a very dedicated person, I go all out for the people I care for, and all I wanted from Guruji was to make those people care for me with the same intensity. Id ask him to make someone text me, and as soon as Id walk out from the mandir, thered be a text from that person on my phone. I know that Guruji had started blessing me even before I went to him. Nevertheless, I always wondered why none of the miracles people spoke about happened to me. When they started, though, they did not stop. I always felt bad that I had never met him in his physical form. I wanted to talk to him, to hear his voice and to just be able to look at him. However, Guruji told me through many Satsangs, that its a soul connection, not a physical one. I can only imagine how amazing it must have been to be able to see him and talk to him when he was physically here. Yet, even now he makes his presence felt through his fragrance, he gives so many darshans in the mandir and in my dreams, he answers all my questions in my dreams or through a Satsang, and he does so instantly. I have hardly ever had to wait for an answer from him. I feel that he knew of me even before I was born. I had read in many Satsangs that, we were not allowed to ask for Guruji’s photographs, CD’s, stickers, etc. That he finds a way to give them to us when the time is right. I presumed that downloading his pictures from the internet was not right. Therefore, I removed his wallpaper from my phone, and deleted all his stored photos from it. I apologized to him and told him that I would wait for him to give me his picture. During the next few days, I realized how much I subconsciously depended on his photograph. Every time I would be feeling stressed, I would just look at his wallpaper, and feel an instant sense of calm. The fact that he was always looking out for me was extremely reassuring. So when the photographs were removed, I had some withdrawal symptoms – I became a bit moody, I couldnt explain to anyone what I was feeling and why I was feeling this way, most of all, I could not understand why Guruji wasnt giving me his photograph when I needed him so much. The Sangat said that Guruji’s photograph was Guruji himself. So, I wondered if by not giving me his picture, he was telling me that he didnt want to be with me. I wondered if I wasnt good enough, if I was doing something wrong, but I got no answers from anywhere. Therefore, I eventually let it go, and stopped thinking about it. A few evenings later, I was walking in Lodi garden, listening to my IPod, and thinking about completely random things. Suddenly, the music stopped playing. I stopped and looked at my IPod. The battery was very low, and I thought that it was odd because I had charged it before leaving home. I didnt think much of it, just thought that it was now time to get a new IPod. Then I realized that the wallpaper on the IPod was the same photograph of Guruji that was on it before I had deleted all of them! I kept staring at it and could not move. The photograph stayed for about a minute, after which the battery came back to full, and the wallpaper came back to a picture of my niece. I couldnt believe or understand what had just happened, and I tried to reason it. I thought, maybe while walking I must have accidentally tapped on one of Guruji’s photograph in the photo library. Maybe, I hadnt really deleted all of them. Maybe, it was a technological malfunction (even though something like this had never happened before, but then, theres always a first time). I tried to think of every logical reason possible. I sat down on a bench, and scrolled through the photo library, as expected there wasnt a single picture of his. Clearly, the appearance of his photograph wasnt an accident. Guruji had made it happen. I thought that he had left my side because I probably wasnt worthy, but he showed me that he was always there with me. It made me feel extremely happy and special. Also, I didnt realise it then, but in retrospect, this was probably his way of giving me approval to use his photographs as wallpaper. I had spent the whole of 2011, dreaming of what I would do on my birthday on November 14. The plan was to spend it in Munich, and I would spend a considerable amount of time researching on the things to do in the city, everyday. By September-end, it had become clear that I would be in Delhi on my birthday. The plan of Munich was delayed, not cancelled, and I was slightly upset, because this plan had consumed me for a whole year. However, I soon got over it, and started to make other plans for my birthday. I now wanted to spend it with the people I loved and just to feel happy and special. One thing that made me very happy was that the birthday was on a Monday, and I could spend a lot of time at bade mandir. Moreover, what could be more special than spending it with Guruji. The days that led up to the birthday were really good, and I was feeling quite happy. However, at 7am on my birthday, when I wasnt even up, I got a call from one of my closest friends that the work he had trusted me with (which was going swimmingly in the past few days), had become badly messed up that morning. This was enough to ruin my day, which I had been looking forward to all year. It started with me being shouted at, and I spent all day trying to fix the damage done. I was under so much stress all day, and I complained to Guruji about spoiling the one thing that I wanted this year. I finally left for Guruji’s mandir late in the evening, and was only able to reach it by 7.45 PM I could not spend a lot of time inside, quickly finished my prasad, and before leaving, when I was waiting at the shoe stall, I heard someone say happy birthday. Now, I had had such a horrible day, that by now I had completely forgotten that it was my birthday. Hearing someone say happy birthday reminded me of it. I turned around, and it was just someone talking on the phone. I thought, well at least someones having a good birthday. I turned back, and a random uncle handed me a Guruji pendant. All this happened within a few seconds. Obviously, this was Guruji’s way of giving me his blessings on my birthday. I was so upset all day because very few people had called, those who did were upset with me about something or the other, and for the first time I didnt get a single birthday present. Thats when I understood why all my other birthday plans were not working out. Guruji wanted to call me to the mandir to give me this. Guruji giving me his blessings in the form of his pendant and it was the best present I could ever wish for. I had been coming to the mandir for a year, but I had never been given his photograph, CD’s or anything else. He made me wait for a very long time, but at the end of it, it all seemed worth it. My pendant was an ordinary plastic one, but my friend Katyaini had a fancier one. Once, I was at the photo-shop where Guruji’s photographs are printed, I saw a box full of the fancier pendants. I really wanted to ask for it, but I thought that the pendant that Guruji gave me on my birthday is of more value to me because even though it may not be as fancy as these others, its his blessing. Therefore, it was special. So, I decided against asking for anything. The next day, when I was sitting next to Guruji’s seat during Langar, an uncle gave me Guruji’s CD. The entire hall was full of people, and I was the only person to have received it, so I felt really happy. When I came back to my car later, and opened the CD cover to play it on my way back home, I found the same Guruji pendant that I had seen at the photo-shop the previous day! It was so unexpected, and so amazing, because I had completely taken the thought of that pendant out of my head! Guruji always gives us everything we wish for, but he tests us first. If I had asked for the pendant in the shop, it would just have been a material thing, not Guruji’s blessings. Moreover, if I had put it around my neck, I would have let go of the blessings that Guruji had given me in the simple, plastic pendant. Guruji also took care of my health. Last year, I had an excruciating pain in my knees that lasted for months. It was so sharp, that I started to dread doing simple things such as climbing up a flight of stairs. The pain stayed the same for months, and I was too scared to get it checked by a doctor. I didnt know what it was, and I didnt know how it was going to go away. I did not tell my parents about it because they would force me to have it checked. Meanwhile, I kept coming to Guruji’s mandir regularly, and I never really prayed to him to make the pain go away. It didnt ever occur to me, and I believe that we shouldnt ask him for anything. We should just come to see him, not to ask for things. One day I was climbing up the stairs, and I realized that my knees werent hurting anymore. I do not know when it exactly disappeared, but I know that it could not have just gone away on its own. Guruji made it happen. His Langar is not dinner, its medicine, and it cures us completely. Guruji has taught me over time that the prasad should never be consumed and thought of as food. It is his blessings. Once I went on a diet, and stopped coming to the mandir because samosa and laddoo and halwa werent exactly diet food. Moreover, I didnt want to come to the mandir and leave without having the prasad. I did not come to the mandir for 2 weeks, and in these 2 weeks, not only did I not lose any weight, but also I put on an extra 5 kgs! It made me realise that I had disrespected Guruji’s prasad. Even now, when I skip lunch on Mondays because I dont want to take in too many calories, Guruji makes sure that I dont get samosa and laddoo prasad. On the days that I skip lunch, I only get chai prasad. Funnily, the people in the prasad line in front and at the back of me get samosa, laddoo and chai prasad. Guruji gives us instant messages. He has told me repeatedly that I cannot treat the prasad as food, and most of the time I do not. But sometimes, when I forget, and skip regular meals to compensate for the prasad, he makes sure that he doesnt give it to me. What I love most about Guruji is that he never gave up on me. I can be so incorrigible and stubborn, but he has been there for me like a rock. He hasn’t given in. There are some lessons that I learnt instantly. I know that Guruji likes discipline, so I follow all his rules. Whenever I come to the mandir, I leave my phone and bag in the car, I do not socialize at all, I just try and connect to Guruji. However, there are some lessons that I still havent learnt well. He has repeatedly told me to control my temper, and even though it has improved, it has not gone away completely. He is always trying to make us into better human beings, and also gives us the inner strength to be able to achieve that. I also dont feel judged by him. I am not perfect, and have several flaws. However, he forgives and looks past all of them. He loves and accepts his entire Sangat. And, because he does that, all we must do is love him unconditionally, too. Guruji always knows what is best for us. We are too small to know what is good for us in the long run, but Guruji makes sure that he gives us what will make us the happiest. We shouldnt ask him for anything. Im 27, my only life-plan was to get married and have children. But because of life and its circumstances, it hasnt happened so far, and I really dont see it happening anytime in the future. Sometimes, I feel so lonely, and I just wonder if I will ever get out of this, but I know that hes taking care of me every instant. Maybe the things I dont have are not good for me. I know that hes always there. All he wants from us is complete surrender. I remember once he gave darshan to me in my dream, and I told him that I felt pretty lonely. So he told me to take his picture and put it under my pillow when I went to sleep. Doing that gave me a lot of strength, and I know that even when I wont have anyone, he will be with me. He has always been with me. Once, when I was feeling very low, I went on Guruji’s website and listened to a very powerful Satsang by Anita aunty. I felt much calmer and happier after listening to it. I even asked my friend Katyaini to listen to it on a day when she was feeling very low, and she loved it, too. I remember that it answered many questions for both my friend and I at different points in our lives. The second time I listened to it was at a Satsang in the NRI complex in GK. I had come in late, so I was sitting outside, where the Satsang was not audible enough. I recognized the accent & the experiences from the first time I had listened to it, but I couldnt put a face to it, and I just mentally wondered who Anita aunty was. When I was on my way to Guruji a few days ago, I thought, I am not asking Guruji for things anymore. I think of him and thank him so many times during the day, I believe in him more than I believe in anything or anyone else. I listen to his shabads, I try to connect with him, I dont socialize at all in the mandir, I also leave my phone and bag in the car, follow all the rules. He even comes in my dreams and gives whiffs of his fragrance every now and then. So why wont he give me what makes me happy? He says maango mat, maano. But I wasnt asking for anything. Then I remembered Anita auntys Satsang in GK, in which she said that shed felt shed surrendered, but Guruji said that she hadnt. I thought, what did Anita aunty say after that? What does it mean to surrender?. I could not remember. When I entered the main hall that day, I saw Guruji’s picture and became tearful. And then I walked out and was looking for my mum, and because I couldnt find her, I just thought I’d listen to a Satsang, and I came and stood where a Satsang was being recounted. I recognized the accent (it was Anita auntys) and it sort of made me happy that Guruji made me listen to her Satsang on a day when I was looking for an answer from a Satsang of hers I had previously listened to. She said, to surrender means to accept, not expect. All this time, I had stopped asking Guruji for things, but I still expected him to read my mind and give them to me. I had had such a sad past few months; this is exactly what I needed to hear. From then onwards, I have made a conscious effort not to expect anything from Guruji, I accept whatever he chooses to give to me, and I thank him for it. Even if I am having a bad day, I thank Guruji, and I tell him that I am aware that whatever he is doing is for my own good. It has brought a great sense of calm within me. I feel more peaceful, and less angry. I guess this shows that sometimes Guruji answers our questions instantly, but were too short- sighted and preoccupied to see them. It is very easy to say that all we have to do is surrender, but it is the hardest thing to do. However, that is all that Guruji wants from us. His blessings are endless and beyond ones wildest dreams. I know that he blessed me with unimaginable things even at a time when I had absolutely no faith in him. Besides, his ways of giving blessings are several. Coming to the mandir, eating his prasad, listening to a Satsang, sharing a Satsang, they are all his ways of blessing his Sangat. He has so much love to give to all of us. He takes care of us every second of the day. He has done so much for me, and sometimes it is impossible for me to comprehend the logic behind it. All we have to do is keep coming to the mandir, thank him for looking out for us, and work on improving our connection with him. To build a connection and to surrender does not happen overnight. We have to work on it every day. Sometimes I feel extremely connected, but there are times when I do slack off. Nevertheless, I start again. The good and the bad are both part of life. I am blessed in many, many ways, but there are also things I wanted that I do not have. There is sadness and pain in my life, as there is in everyones life. There are days when I just cannot get out of the bed. However, it is our karma. Not just of this life, but also of several of our past lives combined. I have heard the old Sangat saying that when he was physically here, he used to take on the pain of his Sangat upon himself. I feel that even now he gives us only 20% of the pain that we karmically deserve. Guruji has been a buffer against all my sadness and pain. He makes the effect of any pain almost insignificant. I feel extremely lucky to be chosen and blessed by him.
Posted on: Thu, 20 Nov 2014 07:00:12 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015