The freakin’ mail. Although we are getting sweet, heartfelt handwritten notes from Corrie’s Employer’s as they send her final W-2’s, this is simply heart wrenching to see mail from the different places that meant so much to her. I have tell you once again, I HATE THIS. One thing you just don’t think about after burying your child is the junk mail that will come in her name and her final W-2’s. Once again, we will find a way to get through this yucky part of our ACD life. We did receive a wonderful card signed by all the girls softball team thanking us for the new uniforms at Helias Catholic High. Coach Campbell also included a note and they will put her initials -MCT- on the shirt sleeve along with her favorite saying “Let Go, Let God”. Even though this warmed our hearts it is also a reminder that our Pooky girl is gone forever. I love you baby girl and miss you so much. Corrie loved the time she was part of the girls softball team at Helias. It was also the year of her best grades and up until the day she died, the best shape she was in due to playing ball and the required weight lifting. I remember when she came home with her ball shirt, #22 and I said “see Belle, you were worried they wouldn’t have a shirt that fit you”. She smirked and said “Koonie, you might want to wait to rub that in until I actually try on the shirt to see if it fits over my boobs”. I shook my head and then she said “Koon, pretty sure every player who had a little meat on their bones wore the #22 because this was the only XL shirt. Hope the former 22’s set records cuz maybe they’ll get mixed up and credit them to me in the yearbook!” She cracked herself up with that one until she looked and my one arched eyebrow giving her the “mother look” She shook her head, laughed again and walked to her room. The shirt fit. It was during the tryouts for the softball team that the assistant coach Chris Wyrick gave her a nick name that would stick with her until this very day, she loved that nickname and told me when the other girls began calling her CORDAWG she knew she was going to make the team. Thank you Dan Campbell and Chris Wyrick for letting a 15 year old achieve her dream. She would always love to look over at the stands and see her daddy wearing his Helias ball cap that had her ball picture pinned to it and her number embroidered on the back of the hat. She would also get pissed if her daddy yelled at her from the stands trying to correct something she was doing wrong…but the one game he missed she went home and told him he couldn’t ever miss another game because she needed to hear his voice. I said “Hey Pooks what about me? I haven’t missed a game” “Koonie, no offense but you never played the game and you don’t know how to play it, but love you.” Love you too baby girl, love you too. On the ride home from many of these games it was always Ronnie and Corrie going back over the whole game. I remember one time looking at both of them and asking them “didn’t we just finish that game?” both of those farts shushed me. One of the few times they rendered me speechless. I have to admit though, since my dad never wanted to play a big part in my life, I loved watching Ronnie in his daddy role with both of the kids. I always had a warm feeling inside when I would see this because it always gave me affirmation that I chose the spouse and father God wanted for me and our children. Brian is beginning the process of building their home and he asks Ronnie for his help. I see a bond that was tight BCD, but is now strong (hope that lasts in the months to come when the stress is enormous!!). When I see them talking or Brian Joseph calls me to ask where his dad is because as usual Ronnie didn’t hear his phone, I see the male version of me and Corrie, only as any woman can attest, our relationship was full of long conversations and not just getting to the point-unless Ms. Thang was in trouble and getting lectured that is. I LOVE YOU TO HEAVEN AND BACK #22. I know how blessed we are, and feel bad sometimes because I can’t acknowledge any of it due to the sadness and Sybil. We had two kids that didn’t want to escape the small town they were born and raised in, two kids that wanted to build on land just up the road from us, two kids that both went to college and were successful, two kids who volunteered on their own at the Samaritan Center when they were younger during their summer vacations, two kids who went to church without being told (one of them now is sorta hit and miss but I would rather cut my tongue out then to ever mention names Brian), two kids that loved Sunday because that was the one day most of the time where their work schedules didn’t interfere and we could eat as a family, two kids that fought constantly but had each others back (sometimes I think they did that so they had something to hold over each other’s head), two kids we love and adore with every fiber in our being. Blessed? You betcha, but when I get asked the question how many kids do you have, I get stabbed in the heart and my stomach hurts because I always begin “we have two…” then I stop and say “two, one living and one deceased” and that brings home to me all over again, I am in that ugly select club of parents who have lost their children. Parents who have to learn a whole new vocabulary and adjust to a life you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy, parents who struggle to keep their fractured family together not just for a day or a year but for the rest of their lives, parents who struggle after years trying to envision what their child would look like or be like 10 years after they died, parents who go to the graveyard and pretty up their spot and just talk to them, parents who have cried enough tears since their babies took their last breath that could fill and endless ocean. For me and Ronnie, we know the only way to do this is through our faith. If we didn’t believe in our Savior, the Holy Spirit, God our Father and the promise of Heaven there would be no reason to get out of bed or breathe. So baby girl, our beautiful Cordawg, we will see each other again and be prepared cuz the daddy of #22 has a lot of ball games to talk about. John 11:25 - Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, John 5:24 -Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life. John 3:16 - For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. John 16:22 - So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you. My challenge today is to pray for all the kids who are in sports. School or just summer leagues. Pray they are safe from harm, and more importantly pray that they are participating because of the love of the sport and not because their parents make them. Pray that their parents make the right decisions regarding their child and not to get caught up in the competition with other parents. Sometimes we need to stop and actually think about the amount of time we spend as a family verses the amount of time we spend running the kids back and forth from one activity to another. Spending time baking cookies or doing art projects, that is just as valuable as playing ball because not only are you teaching your child(ren) a skill that they may share with your grandbabies some day, they are getting what they crave the most, time with mommy and or daddy. Whatever you decide make sure the fun element is always involved. God bless, LET GO LET GOD, Dimes, pink skies & stars, mismatched socks, magic rocks. lost crock pots, wet puppy dog smells, quiet time, holding hands, I LOVE YOU’s, 3 kisses, summer rains, strong daddies, HOPE, PB&J sandwiches, two handed hugs, double rainbows, wax paper art, Angel feathers, snorts of laughter, FAITH, FORGIVENESS, Butterfly kisses and Unicorns.
Posted on: Tue, 27 Jan 2015 12:34:32 +0000
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