The moment when you suddenly and painfully realize you dont have a REAL LIFE of your own is heart-breaking. Indeed. I truly know this feeling. For a long time Ive been busy chasing for the flashy, showy things and literally forgetting about my own family, my little brother (he is bigger and taller than me now), my caring, strong-minded mom (she spends her whole life for the family and never ask for anything) and my dad who is currently working far far away from home (Dads rarely at home, since i was born. I cant even count the number of dinners we have without dad; number of texts my mom sends dad I miss you Wish you were here.... He is working hard for the family). Now I just realize how unbelievable mom is when she raises both of us mostly on her own, so far. I suddenly realize I dont know much about my own family anymore, dont know what my brother loves, what my mom thinks or even where my dad is, sometimes! When you are alone, stay calm and go deep down to your core, and sincerely ask yourself: What is my core? What do I love the most?, you must know the answer. I try it and find nothing! NO NOTHING! I once thought maybe my core was caring, or sort of. NO. Sadly, many people I care about choose to walk away from me. SHE also left me when I needed her the most. Perhaps I am an achievement-oriented person. NO. So far I all things I dream of are just dreams, or imaginations I try to inject to my mind to deceive myself. Am I confident? NO. There are things I want to do badly but decide to give up for the fear of being judged by others! A man should know his life well. He must know what he desires, what makes him happy, what makes him unique, what makes him just HIM, but not anyone else. You may think all of these words are BS, complaints, moans or anything. Its ok. But personally, I prefer a mans confession. He suddenly gets his life-defining moment and knows exactly what is missing and what needs changing. Thats all. P/s: Last words. For the one who knows this is for her: I have listened to this song so many times. Every single word is so true, like a razor cutting through my gut. From the bottom of my heart, hope you the best and thank you. 3 years are not so long or any short, but I guarantee it is one the best time in my life. 4 months already. I just need a little more time to settle down. Everythings gonna be alright. Be happy.
Posted on: Thu, 14 Nov 2013 22:53:39 +0000
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