The saga of the domestic thieving gopher.... Gophers are supposed to be bedding down for the winter, all snug in their underground lairs. However, this one particular cheeky little bugger, with a convenient tunnel under my house in the warm crawl space. Had the best of both worlds. He could be seen all summer sitting on top of my wood pile, tormenting me and my cat with the attitude of screw you, I live here too. All well and good, until just before Halloween, I heard something scurrying about in the kitchen late one evening....The hunt was on! Both Lulu and I thought it was a mouse and every time I would rush into the kitchen, flashlight in hand, all I ever saw was something fleeing towards the opening around the furnace stovepipe leading to the crawl space. Then, I began noticing things missing, like crackers, portion jams and a few holes appearing in boxs on the shelves. Since this gopher was the same size as my little Lulu, she was somewhat frustrated and hesitant about attacking it. Although she was on guard every night, crouching by the kitchen threshold, listening and watching. The last straw was reached a few nights later, the night before Halloween, when the little bastard climbed up on the counter, up to the shelf and singlehandedly, stole and stored everyone of my little chocolate bars. Not only did the little shit steal from me, but, from the little goblins coming to visit the following evening. Remember where I live and refreshing the candy bowl at this late date was almost impossible....The war was on...you are gonna die!!! So, not being able to find my spring held trap in time, I garnered up my rifle and 22 shells...Yes, this was getting serious folks! I policed my entire kitchen of everything I thought that would attract him, leaving only a package of jam or crackers in a clean shot area of the kitchen...a hole in the wall or floor, was not of concern at this point. Night after night for the last 2 weeks the war games continued, only to find the little bastard was faster at escaping with the bait than me at grabbing the rifle, my head set lamp, running into the kitchen, just in time to see his stinking little furry tail scurry down the escape hatch around the stove pipe. Well, you little shit, this morning was your last. Im laying on the couch watching the news around 7:30, when I heard a plastic plate hit the floor. It was covering the bird scrap snacks in a steel bowl, ( I had to switch from the egg carton).....I grabbed my trusty weapon, put a slug in the chamber, donned my head lamp and rushed to the kitchen. Whats that, a noise behind the Radar range? Carefully leaning over the kitchen sink, I see the little thief, crouching low in the dimmed light, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. Aiming carefully as best I can along the sink wall, a left handed aim to boot, I fired!...All I could hear was a little wiggle, then silence. Moving the range slightly forward, grabbed it by the tail and threw it outside into the dark winter morning.....The Ravens will appreciate their morning meal at first light.....Buwaaahaha The war is over, my food can relax, no more sleepless nights and Lulu can at last rest.....And yes...theres a little grazed wall with a hole at the end of it...ventilation I say, never hurt anyone. Let this be a warning to all future gophers or other would be unwanted critters that get any ideas about stealing from my abode....I am one tenacious hunter....I get my man...errr critter!...That is all....enjoy your day! :)
Posted on: Fri, 15 Nov 2013 19:13:40 +0000
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