The story of Judd from my point of view I have been thinking about what I wanted to write about Judd for several weeks, maybe months. Time has a tendency to blur together for me these days. The Babers makes the days go so incredibly fast with schedules, with who watches her when and where. The 90’s were a whirlwind of activity with kids and parents and family and business and death and you name it, it happened. I don’t want to lose a whole decade because of the events and the schedules were so hectic that I have a hard time remembering what went on. I want to be able to remember small snippets of time and what happened and what they meant to me. So when I get the urge to write, I am going to… Judd…where do I start? I wanted to write something for his birthday but Father’s Day is coming so I decided to combine the two. I met Judd in a bar…he hates it when I say that because he thinks it sounds so trashy. Whatever…that is where we met. He seemed to have noticed me months before and unknown to me, stalked me somewhat because his friend lived near my parents’ house where I spent so much time. I can make up all kinds of flowery and intellectual reasons why I was attracted to him at first but it was the fact that he had the biggest muscular forearms that I had ever seen. He had moved back to Kenton some months before after being a commercial fisherman in Gloucester, MA for over ten years. Before that, was in the Navy during the end of the Vietnam War. So years on the sea with all the tales and colorful adventures from all corners of the world. He was one pure muscle of a man who could rock a cream color, mock turtle neck fisherman’s cable knit sweater like no other. It was definitely lust. He was the funniest person I had ever met. I was super serious in those days and smiling wasn’t on my list of priorities. He made my face hurt from laughing. Plus he talked about delivering his daughter at a birthing center in Boston some five years previously and it was the highlight of his life. His life was a whirlwind of adventure and for that moment to be the biggest event in all the other things he had done He also talked about his stepdaughter with so much love and adoration…well…that was a noticeable character plus in my book. I said I would never date a guy who drove a truck….he had a truck with a gun rack on the inside where my hair promptly got stuck in it the first time he gave me a ride home. The man would eat grass before he would ever shoot a deer so I am not sure why this gun rack thing was never taken out. I said I would not date anyone who wore a t-shirt with Harley anything printed on the front…he had several of those and several Harleys at one time. So much for my ‘rules.’ Our first date, I asked him out since I figured he wouldn’t ask me out for a while, if at all, was at a dance at a nursing home. At the time, I was the social service director and the admissions director. Yes, I was still fighting the creative thing and was still trying to be a business person. Obviously that didn’t work too well. I had some creepy bosses and they were more interested in my appearance than in my work and work ethic. Our second date was to see his father who had just had open heart surgery. That should have been a sign on how the rest of the next twenty something years would go. By the third date, I actually think we did the normal date thing, I told him if he wanted to continue seeing me he had to understand some things. My son, came first and my parents came second and he would have to settle for third. Phillip was about 3 ½ years old at this time. He certainly didn’t like a strange man around his mother but he could be bought with M&Ms. Phillip did figure out that Judd had all the cool guy stuff and he was so much more exciting than I was. He also could not tell me what to think, what to wear, what he thought my hair or makeup should look like because of what I had seen, he didn’t have a clue. What a fun date I was! He agreed and still wanted to see me….he was a brave man. We did make a good team. He was there for the illness and death of both of my parents and with his dad. He and his father had so many issues because both of them were so similar. He was the prodigal son but when his dad became ill, Judd was the first one to step up and do the not so fun care things that a son never expects to have to help his father with even to the point where he stood his ground on some things with his siblings. So many years later and they are still trying to heal from that time. He did not argue in front of the kids although he and I did argue about what the action would or would not be when it came to punishing them for whatever it was they did or didn’t do. He always let me be the bad guy…that did suck for me at times. Fast-forward to four years ago when I came home from work and thought Judd was having another heat stroke from working too hard out in the barn. Judd’s idea of fun is working himself until he drops. Is his way. All or nothing. Ten minutes after arriving at the ER, I watched him go into convulsions and his heart stopped. He was defibrillated twice in the ER and once in the helicopter. He never, ever does things the easy way. Later when the newly implanted ICD poked a hole in his heart and he was on another helicopter to OSU in Columbus, I did think, when I was driving, what I would tell the kids if something happened and what I would say on the phone since none of them were even in the state. That was the only time I questioned whether he would make it through this ordeal. He did make it. My theory is someone, somewhere is trying to tell him something. It takes a lot to get and then to hold his attention. My other theory is that there is another generation that needs his attention, guidance, love, craziness and his zest for life and for anything he finds important. I don’t really understand his passion for the farm and he doesn’t really understand my passion for photography. But at this point, when all things are said and done, it is really important? Just accepting how the other person feels about things is what really matters. Judd is a real father to the two children he has that he does not share common DNA with and to the two that he does. He has never used the word ‘step’ with either of them nor would he. He is a good man and he loves all his children equally and without question. All kids should be lucky enough to have a dad like Judd. He is not perfect but none of us are. I can also say with certainty that stories will be told between the kids and grandkids about what Judd did or said for decades to come. Phillip is what he is today because of the influence of Judd in his life and he is still trying to impress him with his adventures and his way of life to try to come close to the stories he had heard all of his life. He wants Judd to be proud of his accomplishments. Tashaa talks to her dad on a daily basis. Each morning on her way to school she calls. She will be 32 in September. These calls have gone on for years…thank God for cell phones and unlimited talk time. Rachel had Judd give her away at her wedding. She isn’t a phone person but loves Judd unconditionally. Ilkaa and Judd….well, they are always trying to outwit each other with tidbits of random information (they would be a great team on Jeopardy or if they were abducted by aliens…whole other story there) and she is/was the first one in the barn to help him with cow issues. So Judd….Happy Birthday and Happy Father’s Day!
Posted on: Sat, 07 Jun 2014 10:34:31 +0000
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