The tragic death of Robin Williams today has really quite cut me to the core. I felt much affinity with him, as a longtime fellow sufferer. Some of you know that I have opened myself up and allowed my dark thoughts to spill out across the ether... I was lambasted for this recently, told I was a faker and an attention seeker. I attempted to justify my outpourings by saying that my words offered hope for some, in that at least they knew they werent alone in succumbing to these most bleak thoughts... I said that it helped me, that to see the words on the screen offered me a relief, some respite from having them rattle about my head... I was told I was immature. I sat and listened to my character being assassinated by those I was foolish enough to think of as friends. Before my gender transition, which hasnt been an easy ride for me in the least, I took my cues as to just how to live from people like Williams. I was the proverbial life and soul. Nobody knew. I have, since being shredded by these shallow souls, become extremely reticent about sharing my deepest thoughts... They only ever seem to serve as ammunition to those cruel types that seem intent on dragging me ever further down... This tragic occurrence serves as both a warning and a reminder that depression kills. No amount of fame, money nor adulation can quell those blackened thoughts... Its easy to judge. Easy to turn misery into some warped competition.... I shall miss him, as shall we all... One of the stranger aspects of gender transition is that all who make it through, do, literally kill their previous selves off... Which is hard for those that loved that person, regardless of the predictable self hatred... Im extremely melancholy now... Just, please... If you know people haunted by thoughts of self harm, remember- they arent drama queens seeking attention if they cry out... Be patient. Its when all seems good, and they say they are fine with a smile... Its at those points that the darkness is internalised. A dangerous time. It is possible to suffer too much empathy for the worlds ills. If only we could just look after each other a bit better, eh? Ill miss him. A truly unique individual. RIP.
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 01:07:44 +0000
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