There are 3 main reasons (or a combination there of) that people complete suicide. 1. I AM IN PAIN: “I am in pain and I just want/need it to stop!” For older people (who are a surprisingly large demograph) it can be physical pain brought on by age or injury. For others it is mental or emotional pain i.e. A relationship break up. A sense of abandonment. A loss of entitlement. Financial crisis etc, all of which leads to depression and a sense of helplessness and/or hopelessness. 2. I’M CAUSING PAIN: “My friends have stopped taking my calls. My family have stopped talking to me and have had enough of my problems. Wherever I am I seem to suck the oxygen from the room. Everybody would be better off if I wasn’t here…” 3. I WANT TO CAUSE PAIN: “You hurt me, now I’m going to hurt you!” The common factor in all 3 scenario’s is hurt or pain and with pain comes distorted thinking. When that happens normal rationale or common sense flies out the window. It is common for people who have never experienced suicidal thoughts to believe that suiciders are ‘selfish’ and only thinking of themselves. But the reality is – in their distorted mind – most people who attempt suicide believe they are doing their families and friends a favour. So what can we do??? SUICIDE DOS and DONTS SUICIDE DOS When talking to a suicidal person DO: Be yourself. Let the person know you care, that he/she is not alone. The right words are often unimportant. If you are concerned, your voice and manner will show it. DO: Listen. Let the suicidal person unload despair, ventilate anger. No matter how negative the conversation seems, the fact that it exists is a positive sign. DO: Be sympathetic, non-judgmental, patient, calm, accepting. Your friend or family member is doing the right thing by talking about his/her feelings. DO: Offer hope. Reassure the person that help is available and that the suicidal feelings are temporary. Let the person know that his or her life is important to you. If the person says things like, “I’m so depressed, I can’t go on,” DO: ask the question: “Are you having thoughts of suicide?” You are not putting ideas in their head, you are showing that you are concerned, that you take them seriously, and that it’s OK for them to share their pain with you. SUICIDE DONTS: DONT: Argue with the suicidal person. Avoid saying things like: You have so much to live for, Your suicide will hurt your family, or “Look on the bright side.” Making a suicidal person feel guilty will only make them feel worse and possibly more suicidal. DONT: Act shocked, lecture on the value of life, or say that suicide is wrong. Again, making a suicidal person feel guilty serves no purpose. Its not about you, its about them. DONT: Promise confidentiality. Refuse to be sworn to secrecy. A life is at stake and you may need to speak to a mental health professional in order to keep the suicidal person safe. If you promise to keep your discussions secret, you may have to break your word. DONT: Offer ways to fix their problems, or give advice, or make them feel like they have to justify their suicidal feelings. It is not about how bad the problem is, but how badly it’s hurting your friend or loved one. DONT: Blame yourself or feel like you need to fix the problem. You can’t “fix” someone’s depression. Your loved one’s happiness, or lack thereof, is not your responsibility. Listen. Let the suicidal person unload despair, ventilate anger. No matter how negative the conversation seems, the fact that it exists is a positive sign. TALKING TO A PERSON ABOUT SUICIDE Talking to a friend or family member about their suicidal thoughts and feelings can be extremely difficult for anyone. But if youre unsure whether someone is suicidal, the best way to find out is to ask. You cant make a person suicidal by showing that you care. In fact, giving a suicidal person the opportunity to express his or her feelings can provide relief from loneliness and pent-up negative feelings, and may prevent a suicide attempt. WAYS TO START A CONVERSATION ABOUT SUICIDE: I have been feeling concerned about you lately. Recently, I have noticed some differences in you and wondered how you are doing. I wanted to check in with you because you haven’t seemed yourself lately. QUESTIONS YOU CAN ASK: When did you begin feeling like this? Did something happen that made you start feeling this way? How can I best support you right now? Have you thought about getting help? WHAT YOU CAN SAY THAT HELPS: I dont know what to say, but I will sit here with you so you know you are not alone and I care You may not believe it now, but the way you’re feeling will change and I am happy to stay with you until it does I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you and want to help. When you want to give up, tell yourself you will hold off for just one more day, hour, minute—whatever you can manage.
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 00:48:10 +0000
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