There are a bunch of ways to reliably create and enhance connection and intimacy in relationship. And there are a bunch of ways to reliably diminish and restrict connection and intimacy. Jess and I are having fun generating a teachable curriculum that addresses this terrain—its simplicity and complexity, its joy and beauty, its conflict and pain. Here’s an example that has both simple and complex components: When you consistently don’t give me an extending response after I tell you something about me or my life, it reliably diminishes the connection. What is an extending response? It’s a statement or question that invites me to share more or share deeper. It lets me know that you’re paying attention and that you’re interested. You could say, “Id like to hear more about that. Or, Say more. Or, “How was that for you?” When Jess and I take a look at the people we like being around and the friends in whom we invest our time and energy, the presence of this kind of response is one of the basic, common denominators. If you consistently don’t give me extending responses, there’s little chance for us to have a close relationship. And if I’m just meeting you, and it’s our first conversation, I will feel little inclination to have another. That’s the simple component for this example. The complex component is addressed when we ask, “Why don’t most people give extending responses?” I’ll answer that question in my next post if there’s interest in what I’ve shared so far…
Posted on: Sun, 13 Apr 2014 06:10:06 +0000
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