There are moments of clarity in my journey and recently I lifted my head up from my sorrow long enough to experience one. It became clear to me sometime last week that people come in and out or our lives, often seemingly random. As true as that is, its so interesting how much we can benefit one another if we take a moment to acknowledge that person and their journey. That is more true now than ever before. This last year my personal struggles did not begin with the loss of my son. I wont go into detail, but I will assure you that I acknowledge those who have been involved in that struggle, people who just know... and now, during the climax of the worst year of my life so far... still there are people joining me, people who just know. We all are hurting. However, the loss of my son has allowed me to get to know others, others that meant so much to him. In getting to know them, its so evident why they mattered to him so much. My only sadness is that he didnt trust me enough to know that he didnt have to keep his worlds separate, he and I were so much alike, of course I would love who he loved. But, in expressing that regret to my counselor, she assured me that isnt that a part of raising teenagers? They begin to assert their independence and form their own worlds. He was doing exactly what he was supposed to do on his own journey. In thinking this way, it makes sense and takes the sting out a little. I had the happiest visit with one of his best friends yesterday. I read her words today. At times it takes me a moment to compose myself enough to read other peoples thoughts. I cried because I relate to her pain. But I was also happy, because I know that Christian would have loved knowing how much I love her and enjoy her company. I feel better remembering that people come into our lives and if we allow them, they can make a difference. And, in return, perhaps somehow, we can help them also. Thank you, Anna Cox, for knowing and loving my son for exactly how he deserved to be known and loved. There is great peace in my heart in knowing that you were in his life because I know that he experienced great joy because of that.
Posted on: Wed, 12 Mar 2014 01:19:38 +0000
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