Well, that was interesting. After a cheeky little morning gym session before work, I popped into the showers before heading to my desk - as social etiquette would insist upon. My usual preference for solitude whilst lathering up was scuppered following a rush of fellow gym enthusiasts keen to shred their musk. So I ended up in the communal showers. I opted for the end opposite to the one where there was an older man already - again, as defined by social etiquette - no-one appreciates being challenged for oxygen space in the mens changing rooms. Moments later, and somewhat confusingly, the man then decided that full-on nudity and foamy water created the perfect setting to engage in conversation with someone for the first time (probably doesnt have my book on social etiquette) - and complimented me on looking like some kind of marble statue. This temporarily endeared him to me. I smiled and made a noise of amusement/thanks - yet did so in such a tone that it would have left him in absolutely no doubt that I had a girlfriend and was purely in the communal showers because the gym has an unreasonably low supply of shower cubicles. Not picking up on this tone (really, it was quite apparent...not sure how he missed it), he continued, Yeah, I really struggle to get any size on my shoulders. Instinctively - without even being able to consider what noise I should try next to denote the fact I only like having conversations with strangers when at least one of us has our balls covered - my eyes dropped to look at his shoulders. Then immediately bounced back up into a safer gaze zone. What kind of game was he playing? I decided to put a fork in the conversation by saying Ha, youll get there. And turned around. Nicely done, Phair. Polite, yet defiant. Youve steered the ship away from an awkward island. Almost. Alas when I turned to grab my shower gel, I knocked it - and as it fell towards the floor, it clipped the coving and kicked across to his side. I felt a moment of horror. The older man picked it up and handed it to me. You dropped your soap he said. Yeah, it just got away from me I innocently pleaded - in a far less confident tone to the one I demonstrated moments before - whilst wondering why the hell this scenario never came up in my etiquette book. Then, in what was one of the most awkward moments of my life, he held a smile at me for longer than social etiquette would dictate he should, as if to question my innocence. Never in my life have I dried myself off, put my clothes on, completed my three-step morning facial moisturisation regime, and left a gym so quickly.
Posted on: Fri, 03 Oct 2014 08:05:04 +0000
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