These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: ---------------- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. ---------------- The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus. ---------------- Ladies, dont forget the rummage sale... Its a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. ---------------- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say Hell to someone who doesnt care much about you. --------------------------------- Dont let worry kill you off - let the Church help.. ---------------- Miss Charlene Mason sang I will not pass this way again, giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. ---------------- For those of you who have children and dont know it, we have a nursery downstairs. ---------------- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. ---------------- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. ---------------- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. ---------------- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be What Is Hell? Come early and listen to our choir practice. ---------------- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. ---------------- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. ---------------- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. ---------------- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. ---------------- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. ---------------- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. ---------------- This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. ---------------- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done. ---------------- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. -------------- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. ---------------- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeares Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. ---------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. ---------------- The Associate Minister unveiled the churchs new campaign slogan last Sunday: I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.
Posted on: Tue, 12 Nov 2013 23:25:04 +0000