They say they never really miss you til you dead or you gone So on that note, Im leaving after the song So you aint gotta feel no way about Jay so long At least let me tell you why Im this way, hold on... ...I pray Im forgiven For every bad decision I made Every sister I played Cause Im still paranoid to this day And its nobodys fault I made the decisions I made This is the life I chose, or rather, the life that chose me If you cant respect that your whole perspective is wack Maybe youll love me when I fade to black... And words like those are why I still feel Jay-Z the best rapper of all time. He doesnt just rhyme, he talks. He tells you his truth. He bleeds onto the mic, as arrogant as he plays it. Why Im feeling this song so much today is because someone I dearly love and respect - and whose opinion I really value, basically told me Im a joke. That all the people bigging me up and saying they believe I have talent in storytelling (and maybe philosophy) only stay glued to my page because Im like a car-wreck waiting to happen. That they spur me on while they laugh *at*, and not *with* me at all my stories. Frankly, I dont give a damn whether they do. I write for my own therapy, and I write for those that can and want to read my stuff. Im *happy* if they can find something to laugh at in them; I WANT to make life a little less serious, less painful. Thats why I speak of horrible incidents that happen to me as if they were scenes in someone elses movie. I made it out to tell the tale, and damnit I WANT to share it. I NEED to. What hurt most is that those closest to me not only dont agree with me and who I am, who I want to be, but theyre willing to come down on me that hard *because* others are giving me props. Its like they dont want me to succeed unless I do it their way, on their terms. I have to play by the rules they told themselves they had tto... and me showing anything different - that maybe they dont apply to me after all. It hurt only cos I love this person, others Id overlook her viewpoints like I do anyone else that doesnt want to get me. And I WILL get over it, and I wont change. I speak from my heart, I keep it real, and thats the only way I know how to. Thats the only way I want people in my space to keep it with me too... Even if it cuts my heart out like that. But I do live in hope that maybe one day theyll forgive me for the bad decisions I made. And Lord willing, maybe theyll love me when I fade to black... youtu.be/rT5xzPAh63g
Posted on: Sun, 18 Jan 2015 18:42:35 +0000
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