This has taken a lot of courage for me to write so please excuse the grammar and any mistakes. I have never been happy with my body really and always hated my stomach. But no way 5 years ago on my wedding day did I expect mine and my husbands lives to change so dramatically. After we got married about 9 months later I got pregnancy with out daughter. One of the happiest days of my life. It wasnt without its problems and I experiences a lot I problems and bleeding. Well on the 23rd jan at 2 weeks over due she was born sleeping to the world. After this earth shattering event and things running up to her birth I developed several health issues. I had depression to the point I got agoraphobic and couldnt leave the house. I had control issues on which I had to know what was happening at all times or I would freak out or just wouldnt go to something. I also comfort ate. About 4 months later I was blessed with the joyous news I was pregnant again. This pregnancy was great apart from the fact I was scared to touch anything dirty or do anything as I new I couldnt live through the loss of another child. I was also gaining weight again. I started to be in severe pain with my hips and ended up on crutches due to spd. I couldnt walk anywhere without being in so much pain I cried. I also got depressed as I was confined to the house as I just slept 20 hours a day cause I hadnt let me body recover from our daughters pregnancy. After my Son was born my control issues and OCD got worse id scrub my hands till they bled and wouldnt let my son touch dirt. When he hit 8 months I returned to work. About 9 months old we hit a server gastroentuitus bugs. We got so many in such a short space of time. Its was horrific we spent weeks being sick and I thought it was my fault. I felt like I wasnt a good enough person and that I was being punished I believed that I killed my daughter as she was my responsibility and that my son was going to be taken away as well. I hated work and when they changed the systems I felt like I couldnt cope and that everyone hated me or was talking about me behind my back. My weight was stabilised but I felt so bad when I looked in the mirror I tried many different weight loss things but nothing worked. In April I fell pregnant with my third baby boy. I was told I should be in a wheelchair cause my spd had gotten so bad again. I was convinced I was goin to loose him. And of cause the weight came on again. After he was born I breast fed and cause of my spd I developed bad sciatica and found exercise painful. I tried doing some diets and things but nothing helped. I felt like getting a knife and cutting out my fat. I felt sick. I didnt wanna be near my husband as my body repulsed me so much. Anyway at the start of august my son had his christening when I had the photos back I felt truly horrible. I couldnt look at the photos as I felt so ugly. Enough was enough so 27th august I took my first steps. I found out about juice plus and took my first steps. It really has changed my life. Apart from the weightloss My hips have got so much better I can play with my kids and do lots I things I never dreamt I could do. My OCD has almost gone I can but second hand clothes for my kids, I even use a second hand high chair. I dont dred going to peoples houses just incase they havent vacuumed or I could be faced with a mark on a cup of tea which would send me Into tears. Now my depression has gone. I will always have deep seated guilt feelings about the lose of my daughter but I know Im being irrational. Her cord was around her neck twice. I couldnt have controlled that. But what ifs will always live with me. I am a more relaxed person and more confident. Iv learnt my opinions matter and what I want counts. My life has just changed. I am on the silver programme. And now actually do believe in myself. I would urg people to take the capsules. Just them for 4 months see what a difference they can make. Oh and as most of u know iv lost 4 dress sizes a 24 to 16 bottoms and 22 to 14 top.
Posted on: Mon, 14 Jul 2014 06:24:23 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015