This is for all of you, I want you to share this sentiment and take from it what you see as belonging to you—because there are little pieces of what I’m about to say that you will see yourself reflected in, and some that you may not, although it really is all for you. For all of you. I remember when we met. When we met your eyes were definitely sparkling; I know because that’s what I remember most about meeting you. And now, where are we? We’re older and further apart. Me here, you there, and her, somewhere else entirely. We’re strewn across this place without each other and Friend, it’s not easy without you. I look back on the photos of our last weekend together and I wish we could have had it in a way that wasn’t addled with all my fears and insecurities, our not knowing when we’d see each other again like this. . It breaks my heart to think of you struggling there, because I know sometimes you do. I know things get hard and we can feel alone. I know this because this is how I feel. And I feel like everything would very easily, very simply become better in a moment, if you could sit across from me, sipping your coffee, and reach out your hand to hold mine as my voice reaches fever pitch. I know that in my panicked crescendo, that look you give me, the way you sit by me, the way you talk me, would bring me back down to a calm sanity. Because Friend, you know. We know. We have that special comfort of love, wherein I can tell you, and you can tell me, in the most matter of fact of ways, how to make things better. You can be brutal in your opinions and your advice and yet that brutality is merciful, loaded with all the affection I’ve ever wanted in this world. I guess that’s how we know we are friends—because we’re not trying to protect each other, we’re trying to help each other be better. We don’t offer each other retreat, there is no asylum; instead, we stand by each other in battle. Have I said that I miss you, my dearest? That we don’t talk nearly enough about the things I need to today, but that I know when I need you, you will be there in the future to absorb my tears because between us, time and space have become both limitless and meaningless. And somehow, the distance has made me love you more. It’s made me understand better that what we have—what us few are blessed with—is rare and impossible. Now that things are difficult for me, I see they are for you too, and for her and her and her. Even though we’re so far apart, we’ve managed to synchronise our sorrows, and all call to each other at once, as if by some ancient conch that only we know the secret call of. All I want is for you to materialize by my side or I by yours. I want to be able to tell you and I want to cry the way I know I can only cry with you. I want to tell you about it, and then I want to fall back in laughter (because together there will be laughter). Together we’re double. We’re double in strength. We’re double in sadness. We’re double in happiness. We’re double in love. We’re double in all the neurotic nuances that combine to make us who we are. We’re double in our insanity. We’re doubly tall and doubly wide. We’re doubly equipped to deal with all the nasty things that life throws our way. You make me double me, and more: you inflate me in such a way that makes anything possible. Everyday, from a distance, I am holding on to hope . I hope it will be ok again soon. I love you is hardly enough, but I’ll say it anyway: I love you.
Posted on: Sat, 10 Aug 2013 03:49:56 +0000
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