This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta, Georgia, has ever lived in Atlanta, has ever visited Atlanta, ever plans to visit Atlanta, knows anyone who already lives in Atlanta, or knows anyone who has ever heard of Atlanta. Atlanta is composed mostly of one-way streets. The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina. All directions start with, Go down Peachtree and include the phrase, When you see the Waffle House. Except that in Cobb County, where all directions begin with, Go to the Big Chicken. Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused with: Peachtree Circle Peachtree Place Peachtree Lane Peachtree Road Peachtree Parkway Peachtree Run Peachtree Terrace Peachtree Avenue Peachtree Commons Peachtree Battle Peachtree Corners New Peachtree Old Peachtree West Peachtree Peachtree-Dunwoody Peachtree-Chamblee Peachtree Industrial Boulevard Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask anyone for directions, they will always send you down Peachtree. Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola. Cokes all they drink there, so dont ask for any other soft drink unless its made by Coca-Cola. The gates at Atlantas Hartsfield International Airport are about 32 miles away from the Main Concourse, so wear sneakers and pack a lunch. The 8am rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 AM. The 5pm rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:30 PM. Fridays rush hour starts Thursday afternoon and lasts through 2am Saturday. Only a native can pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. The Atlanta pronunciation is pawntz day LEE-awn. And yes, they have a street named simply, Boulevard. The falling of one raindrop causes all drivers to immediately forget all traffic rules. If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days and its on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a week. Overnight, all grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer. I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta, which has a posted speed limit of 55 mph (but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run over), is known to truckers as The Watermelon 500. Dont believe the directional markers on highways. I-285 is marked East and West but you may be going North or South. The locals identify the direction by referring to the Inner Loop and the Outer Loop. If you travel on Hwy 92 North, you will actually be going southeast. Never buy a ladder or mattress in Atlanta. Just go to one of the interstates and you will soon find one in the middle of the road. The last thing you want to do is give another driver the finger, unless your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchy and your AK-47 has a full clip. Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Georgia. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Georgia, plus a couple no one has seen before. If it grows, it sticks. If it crawls, it bites. If you notice a vine trying to wrap itself around your leg, you have about 20-seconds to escape, before you are completely captured and covered with Kudzu, another ill-advised import, like the carp, starling, English sparrow, and other exotic wonders. Its not a shopping cart, its a buggy. Fixinto is one word (Imfixinto go to the store). Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when youre 2 years old. Jeet? is actually a phrase meaning Did you eat?
Posted on: Thu, 21 Nov 2013 01:43:42 +0000
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